I’ll pretend like I’m okay
For you, until you stop noticing
Because you are sick of my shattered smiles
My wide eyes barely focusing.
I’ll pretend as if I think you care,
Not like your sweet words hurt, cruel
Because they must be that – sugar on bland paper
For who’d be there, looking for me,
The little broken fool?
I’ll pretend like you’re a beginning,
A song inside a harmony
When all you ever gave me
Was a hopeless string of endings.
I’ll pretend like I don’t think of you,
Teeth bared, a tiger, a glow
In the dark. When really,
I’m breaking into shards as I know
It’s too late for love.
I’ll pretend as if my tears are pretty
And turn them into the only love story
That applies now. The only one
You’ll never see.
But I won’t pretend like you ever loved me,
Like I’m a second glance in a window
Or a fire lit bright:
That ended, I decided,
When I pretended my mind was right.
This is a weird poem which I wrote when I was having a bad day in terms of mental health; I often have moments where I get paranoid that I’m pretending to feel things and that I’m lying to myself. To make myself ackknowledge that, I wrote this poem; it’s both a way of exploring my mind and understanding that sometimes, pretending and faking isn’t a good way to try and deal with everything.
I hope, in a way, this can help you like it helped me.
From Elm 🙂