I Think I

I think

I am falling apart, pieces

Of a jigsaw, spinning

Out of control, never quite winning

The fight to keep my hopes alive.

I believe

I hate myself, twisted, ugly

Thoughts sickening, screaming; funny

How I run to save my heart

When it’s too late.

I wonder

If my heart is thumping, eyes wide-

Awakening, slowly, sobs that I cried

Silent. Suppress. Gone.

I might be

Ruining myself. Day by day,

Sick, sicker, sickest-

In my head, my mind

A fucking self-made mess and

Is this all I can be?

I am questioning

Lies caught in a freezeframe, my mind

A lie, my heart

A lie, myself?

Who am I?

I think

I am falling back together; I believe

I am fake, too broken; I wonder

What the point is; I might be

Hopeful and hoping and hopeless.

And I do not like that.


I don’t know how else to explain my thoughts other than a poem. My head’s an utter mess right now but writing helps, a little. I’m really sorry if this comes across as attention-seeking or if this upsets anyone.

I hope you’re all doing well. If you can relate to any of the words I’ve said, I’m always here to talk.

Love from Elm πŸ™‚

45 thoughts on “I Think I

  1. Brilliant words, Elm. Of course you don’t come across as attention seeking, and even if you did, that would be because you need the attention πŸ™‚ I am always here if you need someone. I may not be able to “fix” things, but I’ll always listen. Please let me know if you ever want to talk! There are so many people who can relate on here and are willing to help, including myself. It’s also really important to take care of yourself when you feel like this. Try to see yourself as somebody else. What would you say to them? You certainly wouldn’t be as hard on them. I know that’s not very helpful, but I’ve found it’s something that helps me at times xx

    • Honestly that really did help. I’m very harsh on myself in many aspects of my life and I think both need to start treating myself with more kindness. That might make it feel a little more bearable. Also, I’m always here if you ever need to talk as well! Thank you for all of your words: you are such a caring person xx

      • Oh, I’ve missed you too! ❀️ I’ve missed this TALKING with my blogger friends, you know… I’ve been on a break for so long, finally decided it was time to get back here πŸ˜… Your blog was the first one I decided to reconnect with! Because I knew I would find something refreshingly relatable here.
        And I did ❀️

  2. Beautiful, honest poem, Elm. Poetry is such a powerful way to understand and express what you’re feeling. I have been able to relate to so many of these lines on and off throughout my life. It’s hard to be hard on yourself and to feel like you have so many jagged pieces that struggle just to fit and feel right. You are awesome because you have the ability to see it, which I know sometimes makes it even harder. You can feel hopeful and hopeless all at once. I’m not trying to say the cliche “it gets better” because life will always be messy, but from my experience, it can be a beautiful mess. My heart is with you ❀ – Gabriella

    • Ahhh thank you for this. It’s so so tricky and things in my life have spiralled out of control; I’m just trying to hold on long enough to get back up xx

  3. this is beautiful ❀ i can't be prouder that you have such courage to put your emotions into words, Elm. Even though I a recent follower, but I can see that you have such a kind and beautiful soul and heart, which is the exact opposite of fake and too broken. The first step to recovery is acknowledging it, and you are far beyond that point. ❀
    I'm also here to tell you that I tagged you to do #MyRoadtoWellness tag. This is totally optional, but if you'd like to find out more, visit:
    https://freeperspectives.wordpress.com/2017/10/05/my-road-to-wellness-tag/

    xx

  4. This was so beautiful and really touched my heart, I feel like this is such a representation of what I’ve been feeling. Idk if it’s just a point of school or something else, but there’s an emptiness that you know exists but you can’t exactly seem to find. I’m not sure how to explain it, but you portrayed it well in your poem so good job πŸ‘πŸΌ

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