I think
I am falling apart, pieces
Of a jigsaw, spinning
Out of control, never quite winning
The fight to keep my hopes alive.
I believe
I hate myself, twisted, ugly
Thoughts sickening, screaming; funny
How I run to save my heart
When it’s too late.
I wonder
If my heart is thumping, eyes wide-
Awakening, slowly, sobs that I cried
Silent. Suppress. Gone.
I might be
Ruining myself. Day by day,
Sick, sicker, sickest-
In my head, my mind
A fucking self-made mess and
Is this all I can be?
I am questioning
Lies caught in a freezeframe, my mind
A lie, my heart
A lie, myself?
Who am I?
I think
I am falling back together; I believe
I am fake, too broken; I wonder
What the point is; I might be
Hopeful and hoping and hopeless.
And I do not like that.
I don’t know how else to explain my thoughts other than a poem. My head’s an utter mess right now but writing helps, a little. I’m really sorry if this comes across as attention-seeking or if this upsets anyone.
I hope you’re all doing well. If you can relate to any of the words I’ve said, I’m always here to talk.
Love from Elm 🙂
Just Call Me Elm or Something 
I can relate to this so much, you have such a powerful way with words and I hope you feel better soon.xx❤️
Thank you so much – I do too; I have no idea what I’m doing really. But thank you loads xx
No problem, I’ll be right here if you ever need anything🙂x
Same to you 🙂 xx
Every word speaks to me.. this is my life too 💕
I could cry, thank god I’m not alone – thank you xx
I promise you are not alone, even if no one is physically there. Keep writing lovely
xxxx
❤ xxx
Brilliant words, Elm. Of course you don’t come across as attention seeking, and even if you did, that would be because you need the attention 🙂 I am always here if you need someone. I may not be able to “fix” things, but I’ll always listen. Please let me know if you ever want to talk! There are so many people who can relate on here and are willing to help, including myself. It’s also really important to take care of yourself when you feel like this. Try to see yourself as somebody else. What would you say to them? You certainly wouldn’t be as hard on them. I know that’s not very helpful, but I’ve found it’s something that helps me at times xx
Honestly that really did help. I’m very harsh on myself in many aspects of my life and I think both need to start treating myself with more kindness. That might make it feel a little more bearable. Also, I’m always here if you ever need to talk as well! Thank you for all of your words: you are such a caring person xx
I’m glad! You certainly should love yourself more, from everything I’ve seen you write, you’re lovely. Thank you, Elm 🙂 xx
Thanks loads xx
I find it the same. Writing can help you sort through and understand your emotions. Keep doing what you’re doing. Indy xx
Yes exactly! 🙂
this is the twisted beauty I find in myself….
I think that is one of the most relatable and haunting sentences I’ve ever read
that’s very sweet of you. but honestly, that poem is beautiful. ❤
this is such a brave and honest piece – you write your truth and that is good writing. I am sorry that you are aching so much. My strength and heart go out to you.
Thank you so much, and mine go to you. I hope that you are doing well 🙂
You have such a way with words!! Hope you feel better about everything soon 😊 xx
Ahh, thanks!! I hope it’ll clear up soon 🙂
It’s okay 😊 xx
Literally every word here is me. This whole poem is me. You’re brilliant, Elm. ❤️
Let’s hope all of us find solace. Or solace finds us…
ONE SEC I HAVEN’t READ YOUR COMMENT YET BUT HELLOOOO I have missed you so much!!! It’s so amazing to hear from you!!!
Oh, I’ve missed you too! ❤️ I’ve missed this TALKING with my blogger friends, you know… I’ve been on a break for so long, finally decided it was time to get back here 😅 Your blog was the first one I decided to reconnect with! Because I knew I would find something refreshingly relatable here.
And I did ❤️
Ahh, and thank you!!! 🙂 I hope that solace will be something we can all love 🙂
Yes, hopefully 🙂
Beautiful, honest poem, Elm. Poetry is such a powerful way to understand and express what you’re feeling. I have been able to relate to so many of these lines on and off throughout my life. It’s hard to be hard on yourself and to feel like you have so many jagged pieces that struggle just to fit and feel right. You are awesome because you have the ability to see it, which I know sometimes makes it even harder. You can feel hopeful and hopeless all at once. I’m not trying to say the cliche “it gets better” because life will always be messy, but from my experience, it can be a beautiful mess. My heart is with you ❤ – Gabriella
Ahhh thank you for this. It’s so so tricky and things in my life have spiralled out of control; I’m just trying to hold on long enough to get back up xx
this is beautiful ❤ i can't be prouder that you have such courage to put your emotions into words, Elm. Even though I a recent follower, but I can see that you have such a kind and beautiful soul and heart, which is the exact opposite of fake and too broken. The first step to recovery is acknowledging it, and you are far beyond that point. ❤
I'm also here to tell you that I tagged you to do #MyRoadtoWellness tag. This is totally optional, but if you'd like to find out more, visit:
https://freeperspectives.wordpress.com/2017/10/05/my-road-to-wellness-tag/
xx
Ohhh my gosh thank you 🙂 I don’t think I can do this tag right now but it’s so so appreciated! Your words are beautiful to me xx
no worries; i really hope that you will find peace within yourself; you’re not alone, and i understand how you feel 🙂 always here, cheering you on no matter what ❤
Thank you so so much!! ❤
and so sorry; forgot to send this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93CyZ1rt2vQ&t=3611s
i know it says its for children, but it really helps me, so fyi 🙂 hope it may help and relieve you a bit! ❤
Exactly same situation ..
And it still hurts – I hope you’re okay
This was so beautiful and really touched my heart, I feel like this is such a representation of what I’ve been feeling. Idk if it’s just a point of school or something else, but there’s an emptiness that you know exists but you can’t exactly seem to find. I’m not sure how to explain it, but you portrayed it well in your poem so good job 👍🏼
Oh my gosh I totally get that. I’m trying to work out whether it’s from school or not myself. My emotions are all jumbled up. How are you feeling now? 🙂
I feel the same way, I’m not doing too bad, thank you. And you?
Things aren’t great but they’ll get better soon! 🙂
I’m sure it will 💗
Ugh! I totally know these feelings. 😕
They fucking suck 😦 It’s awful
This was amazing Elm. You wonderful little person you! Oh and I was reading this whilst listening to Queens Somebody To Love haha
THANK YOU! Bloody love that song 😀