Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Hate Myself

Yesterday, I had one of the worst bouts of self-hatred I’ve had in months. It continued all day, from when I woke up until the evening, when it eventually poured out of me, nonsensical and terrifying for me because I lost complete control of myself and my words. However, looking back on it, there are reasons why I shouldn’t hate myself like I aggressively did.

I screamed all of this out to one of my favourite people and I’ll call him Reggie because it’ll annoy him. How he put up with me I don’t know: I made no sense, repeated myself and lied to myself a hell of a lot but I eventually calmed down. He helped me to see that though the fear of myself and my hatred is overpowering sometimes to the point where I can’t talk about it, I’m not such a terrible person. I’ll thank him later for basically drilling that into my skull. He’s one of the main people who has forced me to realise how bad I can get.

Here are some reasons why I shouldn’t despise myself. It’ll be difficult to write because I’m still recovering from the irrational screaming of yesterday but I need to write this for myself and to show you that the perception you have of yourself can sometimes be wildly, unhealthily wrong.

My Appearance

I do actually have quite a nice figure – being small isn’t something negative
I’ve been doing a bit more exercise recently
People have found me attractive and although this shouldn’t be a way to boost my self-esteem, it destroys my notion that I’m absolutely disgusting
I have a good skincare routine and so I can take a bit of control over my appearance
When I feel it, I’m able to carry myself with a lot of confidence

My Personality

I can make myself cringe at how much I repress things, rather than shouting at myself as I did before
I make people laugh with my weird comments – not at me but with me
I can be kind to others and I try to support them as much as I can
Although it takes me a long time, I learn from my mistakes and have become a little more patient with myself after I realised that
I’m a good actor and am not being self-centred when I say that
If I have feelings, I’m not afraid to make them obvious – that’s a strength because it shows I’m capable of feeling them
I have a painfully immature and strange sense of humour sometimes
I take pride in my singing and how I can write lyrics
I have a very weird way of talking sometimes (which involves the verbal equivalent of all capitals) and my own laugh makes me laugh

How I Treat Others and React to Them

I’ve got a lot of issues to work through which make me wary of talking to some people but I know that these issues stem from very real feelings of insecurity which I will, in time, get to grips with
I’ve got better at talking to family and friends about why I do the things I do
I’m able to laugh and have a good time with people without feeling guilt over it
I’ve started to realise that the way I treat people can sometimes be shitty but in rectifying that, my friendships have got stronger
Talking about how paranoid I get has helped me to remember that people are here for me and actually care, that they’re not just pretending and that I’m worth more than a minute of people’s time (thanks again, Reggie and Red also, you fabulous people)
If people need me, I’ll always be there to talk to them and I’d happily drop anything to help

Things I’ve Done

Not everything is my fault
Really, I only deserve about 5% of the shit I put on myself, as Reggie pointed out to me yesterday (and I only listened to that this morning)
I’ve apologised for pretty much everything I’ve done, that I’m aware of, numerous times
I’ve openly communicated with people about how I feel and though some things are unresolved, starting that communication is something I’m getting better at

It turns out that I can think of quite a lot of things that I shouldn’t hate. Thanks to my friends, I’m acknowledging them rather than ignoring them and sinking into a well of screaming self-hatred.

What’s your favourite thing about yourself?

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

22 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Hate Myself

  1. We both make others laugh with weird comments. They always do even though I don’t really get it myself. It’s a good thing that you know yourself. It can be an advantage for you. How about your weaknesses? Are you aware of them? Because I believe that you should know them, too. So you can put them to your advantages as well.

  2. I love this post, it really helps us to think about whatโ€™s positive about ourselves. I struggle with low self-esteem, and canโ€™t stand compliments, but I do need to try and look more positively at myself.
    I have hair that I can grow as long as I want which means I could have it whatever length I wanted. I know a lot of people struggle with growing their hair long but mine grows really quickly so thatโ€™s a positive.
    I have big eyes, which can be a positive and a negative. It makes me look youthful and innocent ๐Ÿ˜‚ so could be nice in future, but atm I think my eyes and my height are what gets me IDโ€™d for 15 films when Iโ€™m 18.
    I think Iโ€™m quite a compassionate person, if thereโ€™s a cause I believe in I will try to help it as best as I can. I have a good imagination, which can help distract me when Iโ€™m bored. Sometimes people think Iโ€™m treating them a certain way when Iโ€™m not, because I can accidentally be kinda rude without meaning to be, but I think I care a lot about others and really emphasise with them when theyโ€™re down. Like, sometimes their emotions wipe off on me.
    I think not everything is my fault either.. Although I tell myself it is, Iโ€™ve been treated kinda shitty too, and I need to realise that those people are happy when Iโ€™m down about myself, so if I start telling myself it wasnโ€™t all my fault, I can feel better.

    Itโ€™s hard to think of good stuff about yourself but my list of bad stuff would still be very long. I need to cut down on it, definitely haha. Thanks so much for this post.

    • Your comment has affected me so much because I totally get how this feels. Your list makes me happy and I join you on the height problem ๐Ÿ˜€ but we have such positive things in ourselves too. We didnโ€™t deserve to be treated in a way that was awful and shit, no matter how much we tell ourselves we do. Thank you for writing all that; I also understand about the emotions xx

  3. Reasons why I think you are amazing and shouldn’t hate yourself:
    – You have an amazing singing voice
    – You are one of the kindest people I know
    – You have a great sense of humour
    – Getting to meet you, have coffee and talk about random stuff like Jeremy Kyle is still one of my favourite memories
    – Your blog has helped and inspired hundreds of people
    – You are unstoppable

    • Sarah you are honestly one of my favourite people and i miss you so much ๐Ÿ™‚ we must meet up again. The Jeremy Kyle incident was unforgettable ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ THANK YOU for everything xx

  4. Here’s another reason you shouldn’t hate yourself-you were my first follower and liked my first post and that totally made my day ๐Ÿ™‚ We all have these days hun. I hope tomorrow is better for you but even if it’s not, that’s ok too x

  5. You are an amazing person, Elm, and you inspire me a HECK lot ๐Ÿ’– And you are so good to everyone in the blogging community. I still remember when you commented on my blog all those years ago (gosh I feel old when I say that agahgahah) and yours was the first thoughtful comment I had and I was SOOO happy.
    And here you are now, still lifting me up. Still inspiring me ๐Ÿ™‚
    Everything you’ve listed down, I’m also still working over. But my favorite thing about myself is how, when given time to think and reflect, I can make really weird analogies and take out life lessons from the most mundane things.

    • Oh my god Kate, thaank you so much ๐Ÿ™‚ I love that about you too; it reflects so well in your posts. You’ve taught me a LOT and I’m so glad I could make you happy all those years ago. You are so thoughtful xxx

  6. Wow this is an awesome post!! I’M LITERALLY SOO DAMN PROUD OF YOU. Keep this up, will you?? I guess you are going a long way from the fits of emotions. This is awesome Elm! I’m so so so happyyy!!!

    And I’m small too, so thank you for telling me that being small is great. Yay. ๐Ÿ˜‚
    But unfortunately my skin care routine is technically the WORST. So I end up with freckles and all kinds of spots, rough patches and frostnips. Ew. It’s so depressing. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜‘

    But this post is an inspiration. I’d love to do this one too!! Thank youu again!! โคโค

    • YOU SHOULD DO IT, I’d love to read it! I binge-read your blog yesterday and it was wonderful ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m SO happy you liked it and being short can be fab, YES!!! ๐Ÿ™‚
      I need to imprnve my skin-care routine eeeek. I bought some new products recently though!! xx

        Aaahhh thankk youu!! โคโคโค
        And yes I love this super-positive mood of yours. ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜

        Haha how about letting me in a little bit on your skin-care routine? You could post about that, for a change. It might be lovely, and we’d LOVE to read It!!!! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’•

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