Low Point

Warning: This poem has some unpleasant themes in it and details a point I reached in my mental health today where everything felt, and feels, really awful. If you’re triggered by this type of content, please don’t feel like you have to read this. There’s help and support available and you always deserve to be loved and supported.

I hate myself
This time like it’s easy,
Falling back into misery
With little more than a shiver,
The sun setting on autumn
As it shadows into winter
A little too early.

So little do I care
That I wish to snap my own strings like thread
Through a shredder,
Little pieces of soul swimming away
Whilst no one is there
To see where weariness led.

I feel hopeless
Like it’s simple,
The worst jealousy and screams
Building up inside me and
I’m an awful friend,
A worthless girl,
Can I just fall apart,
My thoughts unfurl
Until no one remembers these perilous dreams?

Foolishly I believed
In a world where I was free of this
Gripping anxiety and shouts around me
But I am
Never good enough, never solid,
A fragile pool of starlight
That breaks apart when asked to be
Loved, to do anything when all I could do was
Fall into myself
And the message was never received.

Oblivion sounds nice
Right about now.

It is not a surprise
That people have given up on seeing
And no one cares,
Because I am alone with nothing outside
This window of wishes and
I deserve it,
Oh god I deserve it
And I can’t do this

I can’t do this.

I can’t.

I hate me
And they hate me
And I’m broken again,
A cut up symphony
Where nothing fits-
What can I do to stop it?

I’m okay at the moment, just a little shaken at how fast my mental health plummetted today. There wasn’t a specific reason; after going out to London and having a wonderful time, when I was going home, everything piled up on top of me. I hated myself and thought that everyone did too; every single interaction I was having with people and seeing was proof of that to my mind (even though none of it was logical) and I felt so fucking alone that I couldn’t even let those emotions out. So, I decided on a poem.

Things will get better, for all of us, but it’s just so horrible when we’re actually going through it. I have hope but right now, my mind is my worst enemy for a few hours (as I hope it will pass soon).

From Elm

30 thoughts on “Low Point

  1. Love this! On my blog I’ve shared a poem about my experience with anxiety attacks. It was a hard thing to write and share, but I think it’s important to share those experiences. Someone else out there could be feeling the same way we are and with so many people feeling alone in their struggles, sometimes just feeding a poem like this one or a blog post can help someone keep fighting because they know they aren’t alone.

    And if you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out 🙂

    • God, you’re so right. Thank you, this means a lot – I often forget I have people here to help me. I’m going to check out your poem now – thank you for telling me, and for sharing it. The world needs to hear our experiences xx

      • No problem. I know what it’s like to forget that I have people there for me, so I never want anyone else to forget that if possible! This world is hard enough as is without feeling alone all the time, ya know?

      • The way I look at it is- I understand what you’re going through and I know how rough it is. Being a negative influence and offering no support isn’t helpful to getting someone to a better place. So the best thing to do is help as much as you can and be there as much as you can without being overbearing.

    • Thank you for saying that; I really appreciate it. I hope you’re okay – mental health can be an awful obstacle sometimes xx

  2. This is beautifully sad and shows that everyone reaches a point where they don’t know what to do even though they may have had a good day. Mental health shouldn’t be ignored, nicely written and I hope you are okay.

    • Thank you, and you’re right. I’m just trying not to become toxic with it all. I’m alright today, still a bit shaken but okay. How are you? xx

  3. I’m always here if you want to talk 🙂 you can message me on Twitter sometime if you want, this poem is beautiful tho

  4. This is so beautifully written! I hate that you feel like this. It’s great that you aren’t bottling it up and letting it out. If you ever need to talk, I’m here ❤

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