It’s Results Day Tomorrow WHAT

In less than 24 hours, I will have got my results for A-Levels. The very thought of that makes me feel ill. Fuck, oh God, I’m getting my results tomorrow.

If you don’t live in the UK, A-Levels are exams you do at the end of year 13 – the last year of high school, 12th grade, your last finals if you will. They’re the culmination of 2 years of work, in 3-4 subjects. They determine what university you go to, if your placement is dependent on grades (a conditional offer). Because of the new system of education, most of our grade is down to 2-3 exams – only a few subjects had exams that counted for the final grade a year before.

I did 3 subjects – English Lit, History and Psychology. In a way, I’m lucky because I didn’t apply for university this year (I’m applying in my year out) but that just means that whatever grades I get, I’m stuck with. It was certainly less pressurised when I was doing the exams but now it’s approaching results, I’m feeling more than terrified.

Around three weeks before now, I started getting the obligatory Results Day nightmares. At first, it was fine: I dreamt that I got all B’s in my subjects, which would have been good. Then, it jumped to E’s: I remember in that dream, it felt so incredibly realistic; everyone was disappointed in me and I woke up crying. Next, it was that I’d got all G’s. You can’t actually get G’s in A-Level as far as I know, which just shows how much my fear of failure was manifesting itself. My final dream was a couple of days ago: I’d got A*’s in everything but English, in which I’d got a D. That was kind of a problem because I want to study English at uni. Honestly, at this point I don’t know what to expect. I have no idea if I did alright or terribly.

On GCSE Results Day, I was nervous. I felt really ill and couldn’t sleep as much the night before. However, I knew that it wouldn’t be too bad if I didn’t get the grades I wanted. I also knew that I’d done reasonably well because I was able to put my all into those exams. With A-Levels, I’m not so sure: it means more if I don’t do as well but I also don’t have the certainty that I will have done well, at all. In my exams, my mental health had deteriorated to such a point that I could barely function in the months leading up to it. I did my best, given the circumstances, but is my best good enough?

I don’t know. So many people have said that there’s ‘nothing I can do about it now’ but they’re mostly relatives or much older adults who haven’t gone through this new system. I’m just so afraid that I’ll be a failure – not really to others but mostly to myself. Oh well – I know I’m going to have to deal with the consequences regardless; it’s just the lead-up that makes me want to sob.

To everyone getting results tomorrow, good luck. We’re going to get through this and no matter what results we get, those letters won’t define us. I know it’s scary but in a day, it’ll be over and we can breathe.

If I can’t believe in myself, I can at least try to help others believe in themselves. We got through these 2 years in one piece and we’re nearly there. That counts for something and you should be proud.

Good luck, everyone. We can do this.

Love from Elm 🙂

65 thoughts on “It’s Results Day Tomorrow WHAT

  1. Arghh I feel your pain. Honestly don’t know what to expect! I also can’t feel any sense of reassurance at how well I’ve done like I could with GCSEs. Good luck to you Elm and I’m proud of you whatever happens! 🙂

  2. Will it help at all if I completely stress out about this on your behalf?? Probably not but I’M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY YOU’RE WELCOME
    And it doesn’t really matter at all whether or not your best is good enough. It’s your best, and you’re allowed to forgive yourself for not being able to do better at that time. Remember, no matter WHAT happens tomorrow, you’re not trapped.

  3. I will be thinking of you and sending all my love and positivity and thoughts and best wishes your way tomorrow. You will have done great – you’ve put SO much effort in, I know. It’s not about perfection and what happens happens. I love you and try not to freak out too much 😂

  4. ELMMM! Good luck my darling, I would say don’t stress but then I’d be a hypocrite cuz my GCSE results are out in a week and I’m bricking it. I have 100% faith that you’ve done amazingly and remember ‘grades don’t define you’! Try to get some sleep tonight, and friendly tip: a study I read says listening to calming noises like the waterfall or rain as you sleep can make you have a dreamless sleep, in case you wanted to know. I don’t know if it works or not, but it’s worth a shot. Xx : )

    • Ooooh this is such a good tip!!! I’ll try it next time I need sleep 🙂 Thank you SO much. I’m honestly REALLY happy with my results – I did far better than I thought!!! You’re gonna have done brilliantly – you’ll see on Thursday!! Love you lots and best of luck xx

  5. You can kind of agree with those people telling you there’s nothing you can do about your tests now, because you really can’t 😬 Just gotta let accept it and know that you did your best!
    I think these exams might be kind of similar to AP (Advanced Placement) exams we have in the US; scores range from 1 to 5, though they do not determine which colleges you’re going to get into, just help get college credits.
    As I’ve been reading your posts about school and exams, it makes me think about how hard and, in a way, unfair the education system in the UK is; especially since they’ve just recently changed it :/
    I wish good luck to you and I believe in you!

    • Ugh it’s so upsetting – though I got really good results, it was at the expense of my own mental health. I don’t want others to go through that. Being happy is better than a bunch of A’s on a certificate. Thank you SO much!!

      What are college credits? I think A-Levels are a bit like AP tests, from what I’ve heard. If not exams, what determines what college you get into? xx

      • Totally agree! I am really hoping that the change is coming in the near future 🤞
        College credits are basically college course hours you can get, so you don’t have to take a semester or more of a specific course; supposed to help you save money 🤷‍♀️ however, for some colleges, you have to get a high score for them to accept it or even think about it.
        When you applying to colleges, you would submit your school transcripts with grades, ACT/SAT scores (standardized testing, has some math, English, science), application itself (with your activities and background info) + recommendation letters from teachers and counselors… fun times!(?)
        ^after writing all this, it scares me how familiar I am with this process 😬 it’s all happening!!

        Congrats on your results! xx What are your plans now?

      • Oh WOW that sounds so complicated! To be honest, I hate our system – it’s based on predicted grades set by teachers. And we apply to 5 from a centralised system. Good luck on yours!!! Have you got anything back?
        And I’m going to take a gap year where I’ll be going to a residential college to basically learn independence xx

      • Good for you! Excited to read all about it!!
        And thank you! I have taken the ACT and SAT a couple of times (you can take them multiple times), and I was hoping to do a little better, but still glad I did not so bad. Right now I am kind of in the middle of college application process, with all the teacher recommendations and essays 😬 I’ll definitely write about how that goes!
        By the way, it seems to me that a lot of people in the UK are taking a gap year after year 13 (?). It’s not as common in the US. How does that work for you guys?

      • Ahh, so glad it’s not going too badly – that makes me happy. Good luck with all of it!!

        A gap year is often for travelling, or for working and a lot of us do it to prepare for uni. You can defer your place for a year for most subjects and universities – I’m not sure if you can do that over there too 🙂

      • Thank you so much!!!

        Wow, that’s so cool! I think that maybe out of 500 students there are 3 who would take a gap year, at least in my school. And I’m pretty sure you would have to re-apply to universities once again to enroll for the year after the gap year. Glad you have this opportunity though and good luck to you, I hope you have fun! xo 😉

  6. I hope it goes alright for you! I’ve got my GCSE results day next week and I’m getting really nervous too! Definitely relate on the obligatory nightmares front!

  7. Ah A-level results! I remember getting them last year. Good luck and if you don’t get the results you were expecting, it’s okay. You’re human, not an expectation. ❤

  8. I feel you, Elm! We just had our exams last week and I kind of failed on one out of ten subjects and everyone was so disappointed. At first I hated myself because of it but I got over anyway. Failing is part of our lives and your best is definitely good enough! Don’t ever forget that ❤

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