On the morning of Results’ Day, I woke up feeling so ill that I couldn’t do much. I say “woke up”, it was more like “got up” because I’d hardly got any sleep the night before. It was a mixture of sheer panic and the inability to quiet my mind; I procrastinated sleeping by wailing about how scared I was to the friends that would put up with it.
My dad, Mum, a friend I call Rapunzel who’s been staying for a few days and I travelled to school by car because I live around 40 minutes away. On the way there, I had to listen to music to shut my brain off. I got into school, after being unable to function in the car, and I could barely breathe. The fear was unbelievable, especially because I was one of the first ones there.
We got into the hall and I just remember hearing this awful ringing in my ears. It was like nothing else mattered and I felt so weak that I had to hold my mum’s arm really tightly. Because we were pretty much first in line, my results were given to us quickly in an envelope (which of course I couldn’t read).
When my parents opened the results, my immediate response was “how bad is it?” For weeks now, I’d been setting myself up for failure, telling myself I’d do terribly. I was so afraid of disappointing people that I told my parents and everyone that I’d done awfully and I believed it myself. I can’t stress how much I thought I’d fucked up.
Turns out, I got amazing results – far better than I ever could have dreamed. When I found out my English result, I screamed so loudly that I felt like the whole hall went silent; Rapunzel picked me up and I was so happy – like I couldn’t believe. My friend Swan also got her results and we ran at each other, shrieking. I’m just so proud of all of my friends because they did fantastically, after having worked so hard. I hugged so many teachers, finally able to congratulate myself, with concrete evidence that my brain couldn’t disprove.
Afterwards, Rapunzel and I went to Swan’s house. There, we watched hilarious videos, relaxed and screamed a lot. The day had such an unreal quality to it, yet everything felt a little more vibrant. We met up with some friends and had lunch; it was so much more chilled than anything I’d done in school because I properly felt – and feel – free.
It’s been almost surreal, these last few days. At the weekend, I went to one of my best friend’s houses to stay and there, I felt lighter than I have in months. I’ve come to terms with a lot these past few weeks and that’s really shown in how I even react to myself. Sure, my mental health has really dipped recently but it feels as if there’s a massive weight off my shoulders. Now I’m not quite sure what to do with myself, though I’m still keeping busy as a distraction.
Whether you got the results you wanted or not, you should be proud of yourself. A-Levels were some of the hardest things we’ll ever do and we got through them: that counts for something. No matter what happens, there are always options and you will always have choices – that might not help right now but just hold onto what you can do rather than what you’ve done. You aren’t a failure.
It’s over now – you’ve done it; all that adrenaline isn’t needed for being afraid. Results Day was the final obstacle and now you can go on to live your life. God, I feel like I need a year-long sleep. Start again, if you want to, because you deserve that.
I’m proud of myself and I can really say that now. When I was going through shit in the middle of the year, my Head of Year told me that I would be and she was right. I bloody well did it, got through, survived, and no-one can take that away from me.
Love from Elm 🙂
Ahhh! I’m so proud of you, and I completely understand how you must’ve felt before. GCSE Results in less than 3 days. AHHHH! I kinda hoped we could know what your grades were, but I respect if you don’t want to share that. 🙂 ahhh so happy for you Elm!! Xx (PS: sorry for all the screaming, mixed emotions happening rn lol)
AAAAA NO WORRIES FOR SCREAMING!!!!! You’re going to have done AMAZINGLY don’t worry!!!! I’ll message you on the 23rd 🙂 LOVE YOUUUU AND THANK YOU!!!
I got A*, A*, A and I’m still in shock???? xx
OMG THAT’S FRIKIN AMAZING ELM!! I THINK IM GONNA CRY IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AHHH! Love you lots, and I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes! Xx 😬😅
YAAAAY THANK YOU!!!! HOW DID IT GO??
*sigh* it’s a long story. I’m gonna make a post about it later today.
You want to talk about it? I’m going on a binge-read of your blog later on anyway (going to do the tag you created as well!) and so I’ll definitely read it. Hope you’re okay! xx
Aww thank you so much for your concern but I’m fine tbh 🙂 everything works out in the end you know Xx
❤ xx
Congratulations!!! Also I soooo relate to feeling so free when you finally know your results!
THANK YOU!!!!! And yes, it’s SUCH a good feeling?? Is that how you felt after getting your IB results back? xx
Yes 100%! It’s amazing but weird at the same time 😂xx
So proud of you still, it’s so nice to finally be free!! (Although I could do with a year-long sleep too 😂) Xx
Thank you!! Ahhh I know right – a year of sleep sounds wonderful!!! And I’m prof you too 🙂 WE DID IT!!!!
Ahhh. I’m so happy for you! You should be so incredibly proud of yourself 💗
Ahhhh thank you!!! For once, I am; I’m SO happy that it’s all over now!!! xx
I bet!! Time to relax now 👍🏻xx
DEFINITELY!
Soooooo proud of you! I’m almost crying too reading this. LOVE YOU! ❤️❤️❤️
GRACIEEEEEE THANK YOU!!!! I’m still a little bit speechless but GOD I’m so happy it went so well!!! xx
Of course! It’s such a big deal. *screams*
❤ ❤ ❤
Ah well done! It’s such a satisfying feeling when they’re all finished! Take time to relax and celebrate X
Thanks so much – I will!! I’m just so glad it’s over! xx
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
THANK YOUUU!!!! 🙂 Did you have exams this year?
Nope, this year was my first year of GCSEs, I have two years left until them!
Ohhh lucky!! Best of luck! X
YAYYYY I’m so happy it turned out well for you!!! You deserve it 🙂
THANK YOU!!!!! 🙂 GOOD LUCK FOR YOURS!!!! Can’t wait to hear how it goes! xx
Oh thank you 😱 I’m gonna post about my results on my new blog when I get them and I hope have a positive post to write as well 😬
YAY!!! Can’t wait! What’s your new blog address? xx
headphonesandhyperboles.com 😊
YESS I LOVE that name!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
ANY TIME!!!
I’m so proud of you!! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING AND MORE ❤
Thank you, you beautiful human!! So do you ❤ xx
Congratulations!!!!! So proud of you ❤️
THANK YOUUU AQSA!!! By the way, I love your blog so much!
It’s my pleasure!! And thank you so much, I love your blog too! ❤️
Thank you!!! 🙂
First of alll WEEEEeeeeellllll DONnnnnnne! So nice to hear that you did well, makes me very slightly less nervous for mine… slightly. I think the best thing about taking 4 weeks off so far is coming back to like 5 of your posts. Posts? more like art.
OMGOMGOMG JSDOIFJDSIOJF SERIOUSLY THANK YOU SO MUCH??? GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND!!! You’re going to have done so so well, I’m so proud of you!! I’ll email you tomorrow to ask how it all went!!
I’m so proud of you! I knew you would do great! Now that you’ve got your grades, you deserve a break. ❤
Thank you so, so much!!! Are you getting results tomorrow? I thought about you earlier and wanted to wish you good luck!!! Xx
You’re wleocme 🙂 My sister is, but I’m only in Year 9 so I’ve still got 2 years. Thank you anyway ❤
Ahhh any time!! xx
I just noticed I wrote wleocme 🙈 welcome*
😛 Don’t worry! X
I am so proud of you! It feels amazing that you are doing well at the moment. Lets keep it that way! I’ve nominated you for the Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow Tag! (https://kittyjadeblog.com/2018/08/22/yesterday-today-and-tomorrow-how-bad-are-yours/).
It will be lovely to see the next few posts, now that you have lifted the weight off your shoulders.
Congratulations!
Erin xoxo
Heyy, thank you so so much!!! 🙂 That means the world and thanks for the nomination! 🙂 Can’t wait for this! xx
You are most welcome, I feel really pleasured to have made you happy! 😂😊
Congratulations Elm :))
Ahhhh, thank you!!! 🙂
Congratulations!!!!! I’m so happy for you, I know you would ACE THEM!!!! Rest as much as you need, you totally deserve it!!!!!! 🙂
THANK YOUUUU OMGGG IM STILL IN -Shock A BIT??? THANK YOU THOUGHHH
I think it’s normal lol
NO PROBLEMO MY LOVELY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ELM I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU I TEARED UP GO YOU ❤❤❤
THANK YOUUU IM STILL IN SHOCK!!!! ❤
Congrats on getting really good results and making it through it all!! 😘 xx
Ahhh, thank you so much!!! SO glad I’m out of it!! xx
[…] of becoming more confident; a way of meeting new people. Right now, having done my exams and having received the results, it feels like I’m in a kind of […]
AAAHHH CONGRATS!! I know i’ve congratulated you before but still congrats!! 😂 That’s exactly how I felt after i succeeded research defense 😂 You’re SO great elm, never forget that! xx
Ahhhh Mary you angel, thank you!!!!! I’m still in shock! And I’m so proud of you for how well you’ve done this year, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! xx
You’re welcome 😊 and THANK YOU!!!!! 😘 xoxox