Today marks a week before I move away from home for a year to go to what I affectionately call “blind college”. Essentially, I’m going there to increase my independence (learning how to cook, clean, get better IT skills) and also to do a few courses. Because it’s me, naturally, I’m just a little bit terrified at the prospect of moving away because although I’ll go back in half terms and the other holidays, I won’t see my family for a while.
Firstly, I’m not prepared. How do you prepare for going away for so long? How much do you pack? What do you pack??? Should I bring anything from my room? I DON’t KNOW! I probably should have sorted that out all before but I’m a massive procrastinator and always do things at the very last minute. Oops?
I’ve made a start on sorting out all my clothes, ready to get a lot of them packed. It’s only now that I realise just how many clothes I have and more specifically, how many of them I don’t actually like. Buried in my wardrobe are a whole Narnias-worth of t-shirts that I haven’t worn in months, possibly years. Not to mention that’s only at my mum’s house and at some point in the next 7 days, I have to transfer all of my clothes to one house to sort them out there.
The fear about change and that kind of thing is starting to set in. Of course, I don’t expect to be exactly the same at the end of the year but I’m so worried that I’ll accidentally get myself involved in drama, or that I’ll start being toxic to people, and not be able to get out. One of my friends who I call Robin, who went to that college for 3 years, has helped me to rationalise how I’m feeling. Another, S, who went to a similar school, has been a massive support as well. It’s still so nerve-wracking though.
I am really looking forward to it. It’ll be so different – a chance to express myself; a way of becoming more confident; a way of meeting new people. Right now, having done my exams and having received the results, it feels like I’m in a kind of limbo.
It feels like I’m on the cusp of something but not quite at the point where I know where it is. It’s almost, really, like I’m still waiting. Whether that be for the punchline or for the surprise that cements in my head that I can do this, that I’m capable. I just hope it’ll arrive before the week is out.
It’s not that I’m scared or soul-crushingly nervous. Rather, it’s that I’m anticipating a change, with no way of knowing how deep that change will run at the end of it. Maybe I’ll stay the same; maybe I won’t. All I want is to continue to be there for people – for the core of myself to stay the same.
I want to document it, as much as I can. My thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, without it becoming too confusing. Will I succeed? Again, I don’t know.
I just hope that this blog can remain my safe space.
Next Saturday, things are going to change but I’m as mentally prepared as I can be. This is a new beginning and I’m determined to make the most of it as I can.
If you’re starting University, Sixth Form or another year at school, how are you feeling about it?
Love from Elm 🙂
Just Call Me Elm or Something 
Good luck with moving out Elm! 🙂 It’s so weird like the anticipating change thing because I also feel like I’m in a limbo but I can’t quite work out what it is I’m waiting for or how different I’m going to be this time next year?? Scary but exciting!!!
Yes exactly!!! We’ll just have to see but that suspense is the worst part 😦 Best of luck to you! We’ll both make it ❤ xx
It is 😬 thank you, yes we will 😊💕 xx
Good luck Elm! Whatever happens, you will be absolutely fine, believe in yourself!!
I’ll do my best!! Thank you so much 🙂 It’s just hard to get over this fear. But thank you!! I’ll get there xx
You will! Embrace the fear but trust that you will be absolutely fine! Xx
Thank you! xx
I know just how you feel! I’m starting my second year of college so everything that you’re feeling is exactly what I was feeling last year. And let me tell you, the homesickness is so real, so much so that sometimes it physically hurts. You can’t prepare for that kind of stuff – all you can do is continue learning and growing and communicating with family as much as possible. Don’t worry, Elm – you’re going to do great!
Ahhh, I really hope so. Thank you so much! I hope you’re managing, too. It’s going to be such a big adjustment but we can do this!!! 🙂 You are wonderful, thank you xx
aa good luck!!!
!!!!! Thank you Liaaa! ❤
I hope you have a good time! ❤️ The college sounds really good ☺️ Where abouts is it because there’s one near us?
It’s in Hereford 🙂 There’s also one in Worcester! And thank you X
Oh that’s not close at all haha! Have fun though 🙂 I really hope it goes okay
Awwww shame!! 😦 And thank you! xx
GOOOD LUCK ELM!!!! I hope everything goes well!!! I’ve got a bit of time before I need to move out but I can really imagine myself stressing! And honestly clothes? You think you like them but when you come back to them in a while it’s like what are they?!?! Hugs! xxx
I Know RIGHT!!! Aghh, I’ve still got SO much organising to do! SO much love xxx
I have to pick my GCSE options next year and I’m worried about that, it feels like such a big decision. And some people say they don’t matter really, then others say they totally do!
Ahh, good luck! Honestly, they matter only as much as you want them to. Let yourself de-stress as much as possible; don’t pressure yourself too much! Xx
Thanks 🙂
❤
Wow! All the best, my dear friend, it’ll be absolutely brilliant. Just enjoy it, enjoy the opportunity, enjoy the change! Always here to talk, yeah? ❤️Xx love you!
I’ll do my best!! Love you so much, and I’m always here too! I’m pretty nervous but I’m sure it’ll be fine! ❤ xx
Sending you so much love! Xxx❤️
So much love back at you!!!! 🙂 xx
How’re you doing?
Ahhh, getting very nervous. I move away tomorrow AHHHH! How are you? xx
I can imagine! It’ll be fine. Try to enjoy it – if you can! I’m fine, thanks. Tired. It’s been a busy summer 😊 I’m going to spend a weekend with a friend so looking forward to that xxxx Can’t wait to hear how you get on…
I’ll do my best! And of course I will 🙂 I miss you a lot. Are you still facepainting or has that ended? And have fun with the friend!!! 🙂 xxx
❤️😊 I’ve got one more facepainting session left! Thank you so much. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow xxxx
Ahhhh thank you love!! And good luck for it 🙂 xx
Haha there’s no way you can prep to move out for so long! I moved out for college about a month ago and even though it is pretty tough, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve taken. Best of luck to you! 😀
Ahhh, it’s so nervewracking!!! Good luck for college – how’s it going? 🙂
I won’t lie, it’s a bit stressful initially; trying to manage college work with social life, hobbies and gosh there’s always so much to do and so little time. But that’s life, I guess :3
And also, thank you!!
Hey there, Good Luck to start a new phase in life. My university starts in a week too. Trust me, I’m really nervous, I just don’t know why!
OOOOH good luck!!! You’ll be fine, I promise you!!! 🙂 And thank you! X
I love the idea of documenting everything that you’re feeling. You may feel nervous now but in six months time you’ll read back at what you’ve written and realise you had no need to – it will feel like a different lifetime
That’s actually so true – thank you!!! 🙂 I really hope that’s the case!
I can’t really relate or give advice so I will just say two things: good luck and have fun ❤
Thank you, and I shall do (or try!!!) xx
Trying is the best thing you can do in that situation ❤
Very very true ❤
[…] Elm […]
I understand exactly where you are coming from! I leave to uni in about two weeks and I have no idea what to pack and scared of the drastic change. I wish you the best of luck! good luck elm!
Ahhh, you too!! It’s such a big change AGHH!!! What’ll you be studying? Good luck!!!! And thank you! Xx
Omg I’m so proud of you Elm !! I love it so much and I hope everything turns out great !!
Ahhhh, thank you!!!! Last day at home today – I’m SO nervous!! Also, it’s lovely to see you’re still around! How are you? X
I’m going to university in about a week so I totally relate to your feeling of limbo and your worries! Good luck, but I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine-remember other people will be feeling the same as you.
Ahhh, you’re so right. Thank you so so much!!! It’s just a bit of a struggle. Good luck for uni – what’ll you be studying? xx
It’s okay, things will get easier pretty soon- I’m sure of it! Thank youu, I’m studying journalism with media ☺️ xx
[…] is moving away to college and she shares how she’s feeling about it on her […]