How I’m Feeling about Moving Away to College | Screaming

Today marks a week before I move away from home for a year to go to what I affectionately call “blind college”. Essentially, I’m going there to increase my independence (learning how to cook, clean, get better IT skills) and also to do a few courses. Because it’s me, naturally, I’m just a little bit terrified at the prospect of moving away because although I’ll go back in half terms and the other holidays, I won’t see my family for a while.

Firstly, I’m not prepared. How do you prepare for going away for so long? How much do you pack? What do you pack??? Should I bring anything from my room? I DON’t KNOW! I probably should have sorted that out all before but I’m a massive procrastinator and always do things at the very last minute. Oops?

I’ve made a start on sorting out all my clothes, ready to get a lot of them packed. It’s only now that I realise just how many clothes I have and more specifically, how many of them I don’t actually like. Buried in my wardrobe are a whole Narnias-worth of t-shirts that I haven’t worn in months, possibly years. Not to mention that’s only at my mum’s house and at some point in the next 7 days, I have to transfer all of my clothes to one house to sort them out there.

The fear about change and that kind of thing is starting to set in. Of course, I don’t expect to be exactly the same at the end of the year but I’m so worried that I’ll accidentally get myself involved in drama, or that I’ll start being toxic to people, and not be able to get out. One of my friends who I call Robin, who went to that college for 3 years, has helped me to rationalise how I’m feeling. Another, S, who went to a similar school, has been a massive support as well. It’s still so nerve-wracking though.

I am really looking forward to it. It’ll be so different – a chance to express myself; a way of becoming more confident; a way of meeting new people. Right now, having done my exams and having received the results, it feels like I’m in a kind of limbo.

It feels like I’m on the cusp of something but not quite at the point where I know where it is. It’s almost, really, like I’m still waiting. Whether that be for the punchline or for the surprise that cements in my head that I can do this, that I’m capable. I just hope it’ll arrive before the week is out.

It’s not that I’m scared or soul-crushingly nervous. Rather, it’s that I’m anticipating a change, with no way of knowing how deep that change will run at the end of it. Maybe I’ll stay the same; maybe I won’t. All I want is to continue to be there for people – for the core of myself to stay the same.

I want to document it, as much as I can. My thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, without it becoming too confusing. Will I succeed? Again, I don’t know.

I just hope that this blog can remain my safe space.

Next Saturday, things are going to change but I’m as mentally prepared as I can be. This is a new beginning and I’m determined to make the most of it as I can.

If you’re starting University, Sixth Form or another year at school, how are you feeling about it?

Love from Elm 🙂

52 thoughts on “How I’m Feeling about Moving Away to College | Screaming

  1. Good luck with moving out Elm! 🙂 It’s so weird like the anticipating change thing because I also feel like I’m in a limbo but I can’t quite work out what it is I’m waiting for or how different I’m going to be this time next year?? Scary but exciting!!!

  2. I know just how you feel! I’m starting my second year of college so everything that you’re feeling is exactly what I was feeling last year. And let me tell you, the homesickness is so real, so much so that sometimes it physically hurts. You can’t prepare for that kind of stuff – all you can do is continue learning and growing and communicating with family as much as possible. Don’t worry, Elm – you’re going to do great!

    • Ahhh, I really hope so. Thank you so much! I hope you’re managing, too. It’s going to be such a big adjustment but we can do this!!! 🙂 You are wonderful, thank you xx

  3. GOOOD LUCK ELM!!!! I hope everything goes well!!! I’ve got a bit of time before I need to move out but I can really imagine myself stressing! And honestly clothes? You think you like them but when you come back to them in a while it’s like what are they?!?! Hugs! xxx

  4. I have to pick my GCSE options next year and I’m worried about that, it feels like such a big decision. And some people say they don’t matter really, then others say they totally do!

  5. Wow! All the best, my dear friend, it’ll be absolutely brilliant. Just enjoy it, enjoy the opportunity, enjoy the change! Always here to talk, yeah? ❤️Xx love you!

  6. Haha there’s no way you can prep to move out for so long! I moved out for college about a month ago and even though it is pretty tough, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve taken. Best of luck to you! 😀

  7. Hey there, Good Luck to start a new phase in life. My university starts in a week too. Trust me, I’m really nervous, I just don’t know why!

  8. I love the idea of documenting everything that you’re feeling. You may feel nervous now but in six months time you’ll read back at what you’ve written and realise you had no need to – it will feel like a different lifetime

  9. I understand exactly where you are coming from! I leave to uni in about two weeks and I have no idea what to pack and scared of the drastic change. I wish you the best of luck! good luck elm!

  10. I’m going to university in about a week so I totally relate to your feeling of limbo and your worries! Good luck, but I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine-remember other people will be feeling the same as you.

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