A Weird Sense of Community, Birch and Corridors

I’m going to show Red my blog. He promised me he’d send me some of his poetry so I might as well, y’know, return the favour with a rather large part of my life HEH.

In our playground, our group’s pretty separated. Doesn’t bother me much, because we’ve always been like that and I love my group anyway. You’ve got a “No Man’s Land” in the middle, us on one side on the benches and the rest of the people on the other side, with some people playing football off to the left (coughcough Cedar coughcough).

I was talking to my friend – and the next minute, I hear clapping. And cheering, coming from our group.

I turn round, confused. “The hell? Why’re people clapping?”

Someone from another group started clapping. And another. And another. Next thing you know, every single person in the playground is clapping and shouting.

The sound was… Surprisingly invigorating. I don’t EVER consider my year a community because we’re so separated by popularity and that. It was just… Different, you know?

And nobody knew why they were clapping – at least nobody in the other groups did.

Turns out my friend Wren had put on a hat, and it looked like she had Justin Bieber hair. A guy… Alright, we call him Jesus. No religious offense intended at all – the whole group does, including my VERY religious friend Pine. I have no idea WHY we call him that – it’s just so engrained into us now that I don’t even think he answers to his real name when he’s around us. Well, Jesus started clapping.

And every single other person joined in.

It was bloody beautiful.

In other news, I had History with Birch today.

Bloody hell.

Turns out I actually DO fancy him. BALLS. The feelings were different from when I got messages from him but they were still there. I was just way, way more terrified.

I acted like a weirdo… I mean come on, I wasn’t even trying to hide it! I think I laughed so much that I nearly cried.

Something’s not right, though. And I don’t know what. I guess I just miss… Something?

Also – I hate corridors. They’re miserable.

I’ve got some awards to do in a min – bare with. Scary award much WOW.

Birch is too confusing; I don’t know how I feel about him? This post is turning into one of those lovestruck bullshit things AGAIN!

From Elm
PS: would my Patronus be a tree?

When You Realised You Wanted Birch a Little Too Late – THIS IS SO CLICHE

(This is a long as arse post; I’m sorry).

Before I jump into this “EYYY I need your advice again HELP me because I am a puny mortal!” I just need to say this.

Guys guys guys! Thank you for all those awards! Unfortunately I won’t be able to post many of them until… A long time. But thank you SO MUCH! I apreciate it a lot. I have the Freestyle Writing Challenge, Creative Blogger Award and Blog Tour to do. I’m just a little out of sorts today.

Ha. I’m trying not to laugh.

You guys know about Ash and Cedar, but… Now it’s time to talk about Birch. (I love tree names WOW)

I sit next to him in History – OI! Stop laughing at these cliches! I KNOW, I KNOW!

I can’t quite describe how I feel about him. He makes me laugh so much. We talk, usually in lessons but we can talk over the internet, too. There’s a balance. It’s not like Ash – I’m not close with Birch. But it’s not like Cedar – I don’t have to watch myself around him.

I realised when we had a conversation, over the fucking internet, a few days ago. I just need to say this – I help Birch with his homework. A lot. Whenever I get a message from him, I just know it’s “Can you help me?” And that makes me upset sometimes, because I get the impression I’m being used. It’s fucked up – remind me why I “fancy” him again? HAH!

But I wasn’t being used this time. This time we had a proper conversation. Of course we’d had proper conversations before – I gave him girlfriend advice once (they’re not going out though and I don’t know what’s going on with that). And I told him some of the things about Ash, and in return he told me about his previous almost-girlfriend who’s a right bitch.

But that day, we just had a conversation. It made me think – “If he were using me, then why did he contact me just to say hi?” He’s away for a few lessons of History (it’s the only time I can see him because I have no other classes with him) – he’s got exams.

I was scared, any second, he was going to ask about homework. But he didn’t.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I think this has been building up for a while, honestly. The boy who sits next to us accuses us of flirting all the time. I DON’T FLIRT! It’s not me, at all. I just laugh a lot because he’s funny and for FUCK’s SAKE!!!! (Calm, Elm, calm)

I’m just so confused. I don’t want to fancy him because he’s a… Very typical teenaged boy. He’s a moron – I KNOW that. I’m sort of scared of… What he’s done? Nah, that’s not right – I DON’T KNOW! He goes to parties and all that – and if you know me, then you know I never go to parties because I’m too scared and just… He isn’t serious, either. I want serious, sometimes.

He’s back in history on the 16th. I’m scared of how I’ll react, now I’ve realised how I could possibly feel about him. He said it was going to be a right laugh and that I should mark the day down on my calendar.

Oh god. What am I even doing?!

He can’t replace Ash. Nobody can. Ash will always be a part of me. But…

AHA! AHAHAHAHA, HAHA, HA! Sorry… Couldn’t resist that. Just read over that last paragraph – READ IT! It’s so cliche oh god what is this

Dear god! I’m so hung up over some conversation that meant NOTHING! We haven’t talked much since and I’m scared he just thinks I’m weird. I’ve just been thinking… And thinking… It’s not like Ash where I understand him. I don’t understand Birch.

(Sneer. Birch is such a stupid name. I’m such a stereotype I can’t even. I mean honestly reading over this shitty post is actually making me cringe)

What should I do?

I haven’t explained this fully, but I don’t know how.

From Elm