People Will Actually Think I can Speak French

BONJOUR!

That’s not the only word je peux parler en Fran¢ais, and because of that, I’ve been told I can LITERALLY speak French. Um, there’s a slight problem with that… Whenever I try to speak, I can’t string sentences together.

Tomorrow, I’m travelling to Paris with a bunch of other blind people, including the fabulous L, S (my ex-boyfriend), Violet (another great friend of mine) and girl who S now likes. We’ll be back on Friday, but I doubt I’ll be able to post much in that time, because I’ll be busy wandering the streets of Paris, trying to laugh, and most likely singing High School Musical songs at the top of my lungs with L. It’s happened every time we’ve seen each other before, and has turned into a kind of tradition.

Last time I went to Paris was about ten years ago, and so I don’t remember it much. However, I have beautiful memories of France in general – having the best time of my life with Robin, lying by the pool, feeling like a teenager. I’m hoping that in Paris this time, I’ll get that same experience, because I really really need it now.

If you read my post on Saturday you’ll know that I’m not exactly the happiest person at the moment. That still applies, and though having S here has helped, I’m still really not 100 percent. We’ve talked everything out, I’ve cried about 20 buckets of water and we’ve been entirely honest with each other, but again, the feelings of sadness still remain. They won’t be going away for a while, and especially because I’ll have to see those two together, in Paris it’ll be amplified.

However, that’s why I’m going to try and enjoy myself. With the help of L and Violet, S Club 7 songs and more honesty with S, I should be able to get through it. I’m hopefully not going to be crying too much, and if I do, I’ve agreed to find someone so I don’t have to do it alone. That’s the advantage of having someone you can truly talk things over with around you, and I appreciate it more than I can say. I’ve always found it difficult to put myself first, in any situation, but I suppose that now’s the time to try.

My mind’s a bit of a blur, to be honest. I’ll go from being slightly okay to being so not okay that I feel blank inside, eyes staring into nothing. When I get back from Paris, I’ll definitely write a post explaining how I’m feeling: the good, the bad and the confused; there will most likely be a lot of that.

Je te parlerai le Samedi – YES I know that’s most likely incorrect; I can’t bloody speak French! If people make me try and speak, my voice will sound about three octaves higher and four times faster as I try and garble out words that don’t even make sense. Uuugh, how am I supposed to do this?

I haven’t been able to read your posts recently either; things have been hectic, both literally and in my mind. How have you been? If you’re going anywhere this half term or this holiday, then let me know.

Seeing certain people will be tricky, but I’m looking forward to Paris. It’ll give me a chance to get away, and to start to heal a little from how bad I feel. This could either set me back or push me forward, and I’m hoping – I’m trying – for it to be the latter.

From Elm 🙂