Weird Things We’ve Always Wanted to Do | Collab with Ana Regina!


I hope everyone’s doing well. I’m doing fantastically because this post is a collaboration with Ana Regina from Diversion3000! (I AM SO HAPPY ASDGHFJKL) If you know anything about her legendary self, you’ll understand why I haven’t been able to stop screaming since we made plans to collab.

We chose to write about some weird things we’ve always wanted to do. Whilst sharing our ideas, we found out we had a fair few in common. Half of them will be on this post and half will be appearing on her blog so make sure you check that out!

It’s been an absolute dream to work with Ana because she’s one of my favourite people. However, before I bore you with more rambling, here are our weird things!

Elm: Since I was a child, I’ve wanted to go into space. I’ve always been fascinated by it – the moon, the stars, other planets – and I get excited whenever something new is discovered. Unfortunately, I actually think I’m too short. I can dream, though.

Ana: I’ve always wanted to have twin kids, a boy and a girl. I’ve always had this thing where I wanted to know what it feels to have a girl, but also a boy, and I didn’t want any to be older than the other, so yeah, I wanted them to be the same age!

Elm: I’ve always wanted to time travel. Of course, you have the huge problem of screwing up the entire universe by making one mistake but wouldn’t it be amazing to truly see how people in Tudor times lived, or how the Anglo-Saxons spoke? Again, I wish this was feasible but sadly, I have dreams that don’t come true a lot.

Ana: I’ve always wanted to have magic powers. Like Elsa making snow, or Matilda making things move! Or read people’s minds. Since I started junior high I didn’t feel that way anymore, but now, coming back to thinking of it, I’d love to have powers! Playing games on people I hate would be SO COOL!!!

Elm: I’ve also always wanted to organise a blogger meet-up. This is one that might actually happen – who knows? Just having loads of us who make up this little section of the community together in one place would be fantastic. If I get my act together enough, I may be able to sort something, with about 10000 other people helping me.

Ana: Since I was a child, I’ve always felt like one day I’d be on a Disney Channel show and be one of the main characters. When I was a kid, I felt like the actors were part of my family, cause I watched it everyday I guess. And it also seemed really cool. I don’t know, I wanted to be a part of kids’ lives as these people were to me.

There you have it! Have any of you guys wanted to do these things too? Let me know in the comments!

Thank you so much to Ana for collaborating with me! It was amazing!!! Don’t forget to check out her post (and her blog, if you haven’t already!). She’s one of the best bloggers out there and always writes hilarious and thought-provoking posts.

Love from Elm πŸ™‚

Hiding from The Beast from the East

This morning, I stepped out of the taxi (I live 40 minutes away from school so that’s why I get it), gasped in confusion at the fact that there was frosty ice-snow on the ground, took a step and nearly shrieked because snow crunched under my feet. Actual snow. In England. In March.

Now, before you start shrieking, “WHAT, it’s been on the news for days, everyone’s wailing about it, are you blind or something?” I’d reply with the fact that I was ill yesterday, very inattentive on Tuesday and ill again on Monday. Yes, I’m blind, and I also was fully aware of the hysteria surrounding this storm. I, erm, didn’t parttake in that hysteria. No way.

I’m not talking about the places where there are red alert weather warnings, such as Scotland, Wales and some of the south of England. They’re justified in panicking – look at my awesome friend‘s post. I’m talking about the fact that after one flake of snow, people start screaming in fear. Not me, of course not, HAHAHAHA where would you get that impression from??

Yesterday, I approached the storm’s existence in a normal fashion. I had some of the best Twitter conversations with my new friends Mason and ABG. Can I just say, you make friends in the strangest of places. Jokes such as #Snunderstorms, magic carpets and Mason screaming about Aladin made me laugh so hard I cackled. It gave me a sense of security – I could handle the snow that wasn’t even bad in the morning.

Picture this. Snow is on either side of me as I walk down the path, the grass covered in a blanket of white. I turn left – all is fine. I walk on, the cold biting into my un-scarved neck because I’m stupid and didn’t bring one and I think my neck is frozen. Everything is good as I turn right again, my face peeking out from behind the building. I start making my way towards the sixth form block and oh shit no, it’s slippy. “I am dignified,” I think, “I will not fall over, I will not scream and I certainly will not start panicking!”

“there are some steps there,” says an unidentifiable staff member. I squeak mumble an acknowledgement and wander on. I’m just veering down the little slope – which was difficult to do with a cane and freezing senses – when someone approaches me.

“Hi Elm! How are you?” says one of the leading staff members in the sixth form.

“Oh hi yeah I’m doing really great actually! I just have to go really reeaally slowly so I don’t slip, it’s quite difficult hahaha!” True to form, I laugh painfully awkwardly and walk into the sixth form building, making some inane remark about how fucking freezing it is to another teacher.

You see, it’s not that I hate snow, or that I particularly like it. I find it difficult to walk in it on account of using a cane and it throws off my balance. The snow wasn’t deep enough for me to stand in it and to hear that awesome snow-sound. I don’t want to get ill again and I kept on yelling about this throughout the day, most likely pissing everyone off because I was making a fuss over nothing.

In lessons and at break, people kept on staring out of the window and discussing the possibility of it being a snow day tomorrow. We were all hoping for it – 30 teachers didn’t make it into school today and I think everyone was getting frustrated. Personally, I was hoping for it but also, I’ve only attended 2 days of school this week: today and Tuesday.

For once, our wishes were granted – an “executive decision” was made for there to be a snow day tomorrow. I’m still inwardly cheering but also panicking. Tonight, I’lll do some work, chat with friends and just relax (I’ve been doing it for the last 18 years so…).

If we can, I’m seeing my sister in Norwich tomorrow where she goes to university. Because the roads are quite dangerous at the minute, we’re not sure whether we can go; I’d love to see her and she and I will be so sad if we can’t. Saying that, I really don’t want to be put in danger from the snow or put anything else in danger either.

All in all, I think I’m going to hybernate. I’m sitting here now with a hot chocolate, my hands still really dry from when I was in Wales, filming, at the weekend. (More on that in a future blog post, I promise!) For now, I’m pretending that it’s not cold outside and that I’m perfectly composed.

I hope you enjoyed my somewhat nonsensical ramblings. I thought I’d make an easier post, where I don’t stress and just write. Let me know what you think!

Have you got snow where you are? If you’re not in England, how often do you get snow?

From Elm πŸ™‚

When Your Year Comes Together in the Most Unexpected Way

I’ve never felt like my year in school is especially “together”, but that might be just me. There are so many of us that it feels difficult sometimes to get an attachment to all of us as a whole – not like we’re a unit, a cohesive system. But I suppose because I’ve knownmost of them for 5 years, there’s some sort of ‘yearship’, to use a disgusting word I just made up.

Today, a situation happened that brought some of us together, I suppose. Occasionally, our year is renowned – at least to us – for doing slightly hilarious things, which are remembered by either an exasperated smile or an ‘oh my god yeah, THAT!’ Some of those include a group of boys posting a meme in all the folders on our student file-sharing system; the uprising against work experience emails where a different group of about 5 sent protest emails to the entirety of years 11, 12 and 13 and now, this.

Because we’re in year 12, the head boy and girl are selected from our year. There were 6 candidates – 3 boys and 3 girls – and we found out today who were going to be our heads. All six were student representitives: a lovely girl in my french class applied, but didn’t get in which saddened me a lot because she deserved to.

Our headteacher’s new, and from what I can tell, she actually cares about getting involved in what goes on with students. Because of that, she selected the heads – all of which we knew before – except for this; she selected two head girls. One of them was a girl I didn’t know but who is apparently really lovely, and the other is Wren. For anyone that doesn’t know, Wren is one of the best friends I’ve ever had: she’s intelligent, responsible, wonderful and I’m so incredibly proud of her.

Except… A lot of the people were furious.

By a lot of the people, I mean the ones in my history class – history was the last lesson of the day, and we were up in the sixth form study area. So, I only got a limited view of what people thought, but that view included some of the main people in our year who everyone, well, knows.

We have certain “characters” in our year who everyone has heard of. Either because they’re popular, they’re “good banter” or they’ve done something notorious like set up a meme page for our sixth form, everyone knows their name and they start to reach almost mythical proportions. These people loudly proclaimed their “protest”, which included one of the most popular yet coolest – even to me – boys in our year who ran for Head Boy. Excuse me whilst I die of embarrassment for admitting that someone is “cool”.

β€’ Half of them were angry because the head teacher had selected the heads and they wanted to select them instead
β€’ The other half were furious because it was two girls selected – we hadn’t been told there was the possibility of one gender being chosen, and they felt cheated because they thought they were voting for Head Boy and Head Girl (even though when we could vote, we could vote for two girls, a boy and a girl OR two boys)
β€’ The people that were saying this were all guys, but I know some girls thought it too – the loudest of the protestors were male, though that might have been because I was sitting near mostly boys, so I’m biased
β€’ One of the guys took to Twitter, tweeting our school things like “Down with headteacher dictatorship!” and “#aboyforheadboy”
β€’ About three people, in the sixth form study area, made a petition and went round our class asking people to sign it, eventually going downstairs to do the same to other people
β€’ I did shit all work that lesson

Now, it’s sort of turned into a year meme. I don’t think this will change anything, because at the end of the day the head girls were the best people for the job in the headteacher’s eyes. I was just sitting there, attempting to write a timeline for my coursework and listening to this all unfold. Whilst doing so, I nearly choked on my laughter, turning and calling “Are you REALLY doing that?” and “What the FUCK?” to several people to my right, who were congregated around a computer.

I found it funny simply because they were taking it so seriously, when at the same time, taking the complete piss. “We shall correct this injustice!” someone shouted at one point, and also “Red, I just heard you say you endorsed this!” when he did no such thing. In fact, Red – who ran for Head Boy – was totally against the petition, the other head boy candidate “neither endorsing nor condemning it”, in his exact words.

I joined in with the conversation, when usually I’d stay silent. The people around me, like I said, were mostly guys and so for some reason I felt I could speak up more. When I repeatedly shouted, “Look, we all have double standards! Genuinely, I want to know – if two boys got elected, would you have had the same reaction? Would I have been more pissed off! YES, because I have double standards and so do you!” I started to have intelligent conversation with the boy next to me. It was totally surreal, because he’s someone I’m mildly nervous of – or I was. He laughed when I said that I was so done with this, and outwardly said “I don’t mind Wren being head girl – she’d be great for the job.” I could have hugged him.

Talking to Red, who sat behind me, was great too. We joked, me shrieking because I could do no work, and the guy next to me engaging in human-like talks with me. I just remembered – I think he was the one who helped me out that one time when I got lost on the way up to the sixth form study place! My respect has increased for him tenfold.

All in all, today was interesting. It’s not often that my year “unites” behind such a thing like this. I don’t think anyone’s going to take this seriously, and to be honest I don’t care.

I got a laugh out of it. Really, the people in my year aren’t bad. They do include me, and I’ve never felt so uniquely together yet separated from them.

From Elm πŸ™‚

A Little Segment of Internet Nostalgia

Back in the day – and by that I mean a year ago – I sent a lot of emails to my friend Ivy.

That had been happening since we were 12, like a routine. Sometimes, when I want to remember friendship, I look back and smile: when a crisis happened, I emailed her, usually with a long explanation. Over the past year, we’ve used messenger more to communicate, when we can’t call or see each other. Emails, though, are something I can never forget.

When I was 12, I used to email S (my now ex-boyfriend) a lot. Due to my, er, weird tendancies as a tween, he now has several horrendously embarrassing voice recordings that I sent to him. It’s become an on-going joke between us, because we both have recordings and emails that could mortify the other. Oh god, I don’t even want to think about the shit I said which I thought was cool at the time. My voice sounded like I knew everything and there’s one particularly awful one that I REFUSE to contemplate.

Now, the main group I email are bloggers. Saved in a folder far far away are some of the loveliest messages I’ve ever received from anyone, so well thought-out and beautiful to read. Whenever I get an email from one of you, it makes my day; I need to start emailing people more who I haven’t spoken to in a while.

I often find it “easier” to write an email to someone. I’m notorious for not replying to people, but with email, I can compose it spend TIME on it, without being pressured to respond just then. I can think more about what I want to write, which makes it less stressful. Because of Ivy, andother people, emails hold a special meaning to me. It’s rare now that I actually write one that’s not to teachers or bloggers, rarer even that I receive them, and whenever I do it’s nice and makes me smile.

On the Internet, in my files and folders and buried somewhere in the archives of Wattpad/Facebook/Twitter are a lot of things that I either love, despise or want to hide forever.

In addition to my voice recordings and nostalgic emails, there is:
β€’ My various roleplay characters (I miss them)
β€’ Various messenger conversations such as with Ash, which I just refuse to read because they’re either too uncomfortable or awful
β€’ A horrific story I wrote when I was 7, that I typed up two years ago to keep (WHY?)
β€’ Tweets from my 12-year-old self, more specifically the ones about the boyfriend I had then and the attention-seeking and overdramatic ones that came after that
β€’ My ranty, three-paragraph long facebook posts from when I was 13. I was known for them, which now I think of it, is kind of bad
β€’ My incredibly weird facebook comments and posts, plus numerous arguments I had various people (by the end of it, I enjoyed arguing and just did it for the banter)
β€’ A video of me singing when I was 8 in my friends Poppy and Rose’s bathroom, in which I sound like a fly
β€’ An even worse one of me attempting to do “sport”, which my dad plays to people sometimes when they come over
β€’ Possibly the worst one of all: one of me when I was 11, talking about books. I’m not revealing any more because anonymity

Even if many of these make me cringe, or smile, I’ll always remember them with a sort of exasperated fondness. I’m looking back over Ivy’s emails and smiling because they are just so nice, and some I sent were nonsensical.

The ones from S are even funnier, as they’re just one line in an email attached to a voice recording. “Happy now?” “Shhhh” and “HEREEE” are just some of them. What was I thinking?

At some point, I’ll take a trip down memory lane, to properly show you my… Interesting internet side. For example, I have a document called “Bugger off” and “S’s shitty ramblings” and whenever I read them, I burst out laughing, like today when I was supposed to be having a free lesson.

I don’t plan on deleting any emails, or files, from when I was younger. They’re a reminder of who I was, all of the strange things I did, which make me who I am today.

Do you have anything terribly embarrassing/cute/nice on the Internet?

From Elm πŸ™‚

Making Friends and Helping People

Honestly, the post title sums up what I want to do with my life in 5 words. That’d be sad, if it wasn’t REALLY true. Do you want to make lots of money? NAHH, I want to make friends and help people! Wooo! (I’m tired)

Today was a good day, in the end. I thought it would be a bit like yesterday but it was so far from that that it made me smile.

Our school does this thing called a Peer Mentoring program, where older students – years 10 and 12 – help younger students. That can be with anything: school problems, home problems, or any worries they have. I signed up for it, writing out my HONEST feelings in my application form: this was about two weeks ago. I remember sitting there, telling my dad the words he should write, just trying to get the phrasing right. Applying was so important to me as I want to show younger people that they DO have someone to turn to, because the prospect of talking to teachers scared me then so I know it would scare them, too. I want to be someone they can trust, to give them confidence enough to speak up about what’s bothering them. Everyone deserv es to be able to be helped, no matter the scale of the problem or the help: telling people that you WILL listen to them would have done me so much good before.

For some screwed up reason, I got in. I’m slightly confused at the selection process, because one of my best friends didn’t get in when they REALLY should have. They’re wonderful at advice and listening to you, and I’m sad they’re not doing this with me. But I’m really happy and grateful that I got in, because I know this will not only help other people, but it’ll help me: if I make a difference to someone, it gives me the happiness to go and achieve so much more. It’s mostly, though, so I can listen to people when they want, and need, to talk.

At form (20 minutes after lunch – I’m giving too much away about my school life), we had a meeting for the mentors. I sat next to Oak – a friend of mine – and another girl. I haven’t given her a name yet, but she’s someone who joined our sixth form this year and has recently moved to England from another country. She’s lovely, and I think I properly made friends with her today: we’d exchanged words before, laughed together and talked about our lives, but it was before the teacher started speaking that I had the best conversation I’ve had all week. We spoke about how much we were looking forward to Peer Mentoring, happiness, being passionate about subjects, the education system in the country she used to live in and so much more. The conversation flowed easily, and I didn’t feel stupid: I felt like my opinions and thoughts were valid, which was further emphasised by the fact that I’d got into a program where my thoughts will be valid and helpful to at least someone.

After the meeting was finished, I had to go to English. I was kind of nervous, not knowing exactly where to go, and that situation made me another “friend”. A girl in my English class only comes to this school for English – she’s at another Sixth Form for her other subjects. I hadn’t spoken to her at all before, though I knew of her; she overheard me talking about the room and said: “Hey, I’m in your class!” The shock and slight embarrassment on my face was probably hilarious.

We walked together to our lesson, me holding her arm because again, I didn’t know where I was going exactly. That made her recount how she used to link arms with her friends and walk down the street. After that, like with the previous girl, we talked non-stop and easily. Chatting about primary school, making bee puns, her not getting the amazing bee pun I made (“Honestly, you’ve let yourself down, your school down and your country down!”) and laughing hysterically. I have never, and I mean NEVER, been able to talk so freely and comfortably with someone I didn’t know before. It’s mostly because I’m an antisocial caterpillar, but I’m slowly growing the shreds of wings.

Though I’m not separated from my Elm persona, I feel like it’s slowly coming to the fore in real life situations. That’s good: I’m displaying the “real me”. I have always had different aspects to myself which I show to different people, but it boils down to this: at my core, my heart, I’m just a person who wants to help other people. You’ve seen that in my posts, and in the advice I try and give to other people (here’s the part where I realise my advice is TERRIBLE, dinn’t tell anyone!).

I’m not hiding my so-called “inner tree”. The person I really am is someone who wants to be friendly with people, laugh freely – not be POPULAR, but I want to get the confidence to exchange words with people without ducking my head down or wondering if they think I look like a moron or if I speak too strangely. Today taught me that I’m really not as incapable at social interaction as I thought: it brings me so much happiness, so that I want to keep on talking to people. I’m glad I’ve got to the point where I can properly admit that I want to help people, talk to people and show them and myself who I am.

Maybe I won’t be able to do this in the classroom yet, still used to people thinking of me as having a teaching assistant sitting next to me, but I’ll get there. Peer Mentoring is going to make it worth it, so that when I talk to people, I can hold my head up and say: “Yes, you can trust me.”

From Elm πŸ™‚

Smiling After Frowning is the Best Feeling Ever

My day started off horribly: I didn’t get the work sent to me for French so I had to run back to the “unit for us blind people” as I call it, and then I wanted to sob insanely because I got overwhelmed. I got really upset, because I have to do so much work: both to catch up and work outside of school to help me understand the subject.

But you know what? Now, I’m HAPPY. There are a few reasons why.

I panicked a bit earlier. I walked into the common room – for some reason I thought it was a great idea to go there, despite not knowing where my friends were. I felt everything go numb, I walked straight back out and leaned against the wall, trying to reconcile with myself that my breathing was too shallow and that I was getting frantic. A girl who I always thought thought I was stupid came up to me and asked if I was okay: not the patronising tone of someone who doesn’t care, but of someone who genuinely wants to know. “Are you waiting for someone?” she asked, and I said “Probably.” I knew she cared, even a little bit, which made me more happy than I can say because my classmates aren’t actually awful people.

After my French lesson from hell, I felt as if I was going to burst into tears. I went to the unit, met the other VI guy in my year (coincidentally we’re friends) and we chatted a little. I explained to him that in order to be able to stop myself from panicking, I had to DO something: that French homework, reading a book for English, anything that’ll make me feel productive. He didn’t quite get it, and asked if I practiced mindfulness – I don’t and I told him that it didn’t really work for me. Him trying to understand really made me feel better, because I was talking through my thought processes.

The head of VI (what we also call the unit) then came into the room and talked things out with me. She helped me to realise that I couldn’t do everything and it WAS hard, that I didn’t have to put so much pressure on myself but that she understood. That, coupled with Oak’s understanding, made it seem not so terrifying. I think I feel more positive now; I’ll have to catch up with French, plus do all the other extra work for my subjects, but I can do it. No crying, no fear; the only problem I’ll have is telling teachers I’m struggling. I still can’t do that much.

Every Friday since about midway through Year 11, a lot of my friendship group and I go to something we affectionately call ‘gay club’ – where LGBTQ+ people go to a classroom. I mean, we literally just hang out and yell a lot, but it’s great. Today, Wren brought cake and so 20 or so people turned up – some of which were straight but that didn’t matter – and there was the usual shrieking and I have no idea what most of the people were actually doing.

What was different about today was that someone knew turned up. She’s repeating year 12, and is friends with the year 13s that originally started the club (we’re all connected through various friendship groups) and she and I spent ages talking. She’s lovely, and we spoke about sexuality and how I call myself bisexual, but really, it’s not as defined as all that and it’s okay. She says it’s doubtful she’ll be coming back next week, but that we’d definitely see each other again; talking to someone new amongst people who were my friends was the greatest feeling because I was showing someone, who didn’t know before, who I was. I walked around the room a bit, mystified as to why my friends were piggy-backing each other across the floor and literally screaming, but then I returned to talk to her, Wren and a few others.

On the way to form, I laughed so hard that I nearly sobbed. I was walking with a friend – I called her Swan once so we’ll stick with it. She’s the type of person who you think is brilliantly insane, with crazy ideas that people look at her strangely for. However, she’s a really lovely person and has become a good friend to me the past few months: she laughs like a seagull, screams about Karl Marx, writes pisstake fanfictions about Donald Trump – but she’s ridiculously intelligent. We were walking to form, and I crashed into someone by accident. Because I’m cool, I full-on screamed (I was shocked okay!) which prompted so much laughter that I could barely stand up. It was just what I needed, honestly.

Today was also eventful (I sound like a news reporter ARGH) because I trusted someone with the fact that I had a blog. Pretty much the only friend I have in my form, he’s very thoughtful and just generally nice, though he was a bit of a dick to Willow so I’m not too happy about that. However, I was chatting to him about my difficulty with accompanying myself on piano when I sing, and we had the most lovely conversation. This is a paraphrase of what he said:
“You don’t write songs just to write them. Write them so that it’s genuine, so that people can tell it’s just from you rather than from just anyone. You can start simple, because sometimes, simplicity is the better option. Don’t try and overcomplicate things.” As always, he’s so right; I told him I had a blog because he’d said he doesn’t show anyone his songs, because of how personal they are. I can relate, with my songs and blog, and I told him that. It was lovely, because he just wasn’t bothered: he treated it like it was worth talking about, and didn’t dismiss it.

Despite the shitty start, my day ended amazingly. Laughing in history with Red, getting home and reading, and not feeling like the whole world is collapsing in on me like I did this morning. I mayh too much work to do, but that can wait for now; I’ll concentrate on myself for now.

If you’re having a bad day, try and look at the positives. Yes, it may just be one thing in a sea of negatives, but let that one thing make you happier. Some days are just awful, but in every day, there can be a reason to smile and bloody well be happy: I learnt that today. And if you can’t find a reason, you can make one.

Sometimes, days that you think will end up with you crying in a corner can, really, end with you remembering laughter.

From Elm πŸ™‚

First Year at University

Hi all! Before the proper post starts, I wanted to introduce the author – an old friend of mine, called Tasia. I’ve known her for about a year, and she recently got back in contact with me after disappearing from the Blogosphere. She’s a lovely person and – well – I’ll just let you see that for yourself.
From Elm πŸ™‚

Hello there everyone who follows Elm πŸ™‚ My name is Tasia nice to meet ya.

I am just starting university and OH MY GOODNESS I am stressed.  I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and currently go to the University here.  Can I just say it’s more than I ever dreamed it would be?

It’s only my second day and a few disasters have happened but overall, I am having a good time.  But obviously all you want to hear about is the bad stuff am I right?  Of course I am.

So first off, I was almost late to my first class!  The parking lot was so full that it took me 20 minutes to find a parking spot, and it ended up being in the WAY BACK of the lot.  I then had to walk from my car, across the campus, to get to my class.  I had 15 minutes.  I had to hurry.  I made it, don’t worry, but after that class I had a short 30 minute break so I decided to stop off in the library to grab a cup of coffee – my second mistake.  When I swung my backpack off one shoulder to just quickly reach in my bag for my wallet the strap that I still had on SNAPPED OFF!!  I don’t know how it happened, it wasn’t like it was an old backpack, it literally was a BRAND NEW BACKPACK.  But I had to get to class so I didn’t have time to go put the broken backpack in my car and make it back in time, so I carried a broken backpack to my second class ever at uni.  Finally the class finished and I made the long trek to my car and swapped my backpack for my purse and just carried my materials, but when I locked my car I heard a male voice say “hey”. IT WAS A 40+ YEAR OLD MAN!!!! I awkwardly said “hi” back and started to walk away very quickly as he proceeded to go “you’re cute” and I was then panicked, said “THATS NICE” and walked away as quick as possible.

I decided on my way back into campus I would chill in the library until my friend Hanna got out of class, when on my way I head many protestors.  Or preachers.  I don’t know which you would call them.  They were yelling about how no one should bother going to church because Jesus isn’t there and all this other baloney and it was very weird.  I sat in the library and realized by this point I was quite hot and sweaty considering Las Vegas is around 110 degrees when it’s summer and after noon.  So I became very self conscious about smelling bad so I sprayed a little spritz of perfume under my armpits just in case and then the guy at the table across from me made a face and got up and left the floor of the library.  Personally, I think my perfume smells good but I made him RUN AWAY.

Needless to say my day was VERY INTERESTING and I now just sit in the very back of the library away from everyone because I don’t want to annoy people with my WONDERFUL SMELLING PERFUME.


If you enjoyed my misfortunes at University, have no fear, there will be more.  Go ahead and head over to my blog and read along as I fail at being a human :]

They Searched This and Found My Blog?

Hi everyone!

In my time of blogging (I sound old what the hell; it’s only been a year and three months!), I like to look at my stats page to see how I’m getting on. We all do it, even if we say follower count doesn’t matter; it’s nice to find out how many views you got each day and that.

However, in the corner of the stats cave, you find a little section called “Search terms.” Most of them are unknown search terms, where you can’t tell what was searched that found your blog, but there are the rare few that you can see.

Most are okay. Most are just “justelm” or “just call me elm or something”, but there are some that are just… Really weird. Maybe THEY’RE not weird, in themselves, but the fact that people searched them up and found my blog? I wonder what kind of content I have that some of these would be relevant.

In something I’ve never done before, I’m going to “react” to them. The search terms will be in bold, with my comments below. Beware of either heavy sarcasm, all caps, or confusion. Here we go!

Just to say, Cait from PaperFury was the inspiration for this without me realising, because she does this sort of thing every month and they’re hilarious. If you don’t follow her already, do so because she’s one of my favourite book bloggers of ever.

(I don’t know when exactly these were searched up, but I can link them to some posts – I found them by filtering my stats by year. Also, I’m really sorry but there’s a fair bit of strong language in this post, for anyone easily offended).

People are always calling me ungrateful
If that’s the case, then tell them to piss off. Whoever searched this up, I doubt it’s true. Also, what post would that even be linked to – OH WAIT, I always call myself bad things on my blog. Bad Elm!

I hate you stupid bastard
Well damn. Someone’s pissed off. What’d the bastard ever do to you? Actually don’t answer that; I have a horrible feeling that they must have found this horrendous post from over a year ago. Okay, let me just cringe in a corner…

Miranda sings suck cock
What the FUCK???!!!! WHO searched this?! Do I want to know? No, no I don’t. I feel disturbed. Um, kids, sorry for the profanity? But seriously, how the literal hell did they find my blog through that I’m vaguely horrified.

When start my love life what call that day
Either the worst or best day of your life, depending on how you view love. Also, there isn’t a set day where you “start your love life”. Hey, it’s Wednesday today! Let’s go out and fall in love! Er, no. I know that I post about my so-called “love life”, so maybe THAT’s how they found me.

Best message for ungrateful stupid people
Not to call them ungrateful or stupid? Or maybe, “Go away, you don’t appreciate me so I see no reason why I have to return the favour.” Here with the ungrateful spiel again; I mean, if you look through some of my earlier, cringey posts, you can kind of see why the word ‘ungrateful’ linked to my blog. Oops.

Best talking ex bugger off
If you want your talking ex to bugger off, who is apparently the best, then just tell them! The sentence doesn’t even make sense, so who knows what this means? It could be that their ex is Called “Bugger Off”, and if that’s the case I feel sorry for them. We’ll never know the true meaning.

Who is get female best blind motivators
NOT ME! Seriously, not me; don’t look at me! What’s concerning is that they found ME through that. Me being the “best female blind motivator” is so horrifying that it makes me laugh. Hahahaha, me, a motivator? Psh.

But I love my something mars
I don’t even have a response to that. Who is your Mars? Do you mean the planet or the God of War (or the chocolate)? I love Mars Bars, mainly because I adore chocolate, but all I want to know is who your Mars is. Is that too much to ask?

Feelings of ash fucking
Please, please tell me that they don’t mean the tree. Because that’s gross. If they mean someone called Ash, I can’t think of them without thinking of my ex-best friend now drug addict bastard person Ash. And feelings of Ash fucking – do they mean what it would be like for the ash or for them? Ew I actually feel sick.

On that note, I’m going to leave it. I’m so confused as to how or why they’d search up those specific phrases… Who knows?

If I find any more weird search terms, I’ll let you know.

Have a look through your stats page. What’s the weirdest thing anyone’s ever searched that has linked to your blog?

From Elm πŸ™‚

APPARENTLY I’m Responsible?!

So I might have landed myself something that might be considered a “job”. Yeah, I don’t know what the hell happened either.

Today, we had a street party. In our street, there are TONS of little kids – and though they’re cute, they run out and cause mayhem, and there’s no one my age apart from a boy in year 10 called Curtis who didn’t even come out of the house (or maybe he’d gone to see his friends or something).

I REALLY didn’t want to be bored. It was boiling for the first part of it, and I was terrified I’d just be standing outside with no one to talk to but my dad. Yesterday, I asked Rose (a really close family friend my age) if she wanted to come, and she said yes. Along with her father, she turned up an hour late because her dad was doing gardening: she’t texted me, but me being a rebel, I left my phone inside because I wanted to have the freedom of not being connected to technology.

Rose, her sister Poppy and I are close in the sense that sisters are close. We’re so comfortable around each other – we might not be able to talk about EVERYTHING, like there’s a lot we don’t know about one another, but I love them. Not that I’d say that to them because we hate getting sentimental with each other. I hung out with Rose all day outside, and we chatted to loads of people in my street – most of which I didn’t actually know.

One of the people was this lovely woman – I think she might have been American? She has a 7-year-old boy and asked me if I was interested in babysitting (I told her I’d never thought about it but that my sister had done it before for other people in the street). After that, I didn’t pay much mind to it because I’m ME AND I’d feel sorry for the kid I had to babysit. Plus the being blind thing made me nervous that I’d fuck up, when it shouldn’t have.

For the rest of the time, Rose and I sat round a table – it was alternately sunny, windy then overcast – just talking about books, life and everything. Though I was sad that Poppy couldn’t come, it was lovely to talk to Rose one-on-one. She and I are so comfortable with each other that it was normal to stand with our arms around each other and be really close physically. Also, we talked about so-called “awkward” topics like sex, which I’d never spoken to her about before and it was so so strange but amazing. She has the same book taste as me, and she’s about the only friend from real life that DOES and we were screaming about the books we loved. (Convinced her to read The 5th Wave which made my life)

We cringed so much at the kid’s games that were going on – you know, the ones you get in Sports Day in primary school – three-legged race and that. The worst part was that our dads took part in a few and I was just sat there crying with laughter while an 8-year-old girl screamed into the microphone about the next race (they also somehow broke the mic and my dad had to fix it). It was literally amazing and so so bloody tiring because Rose’s dog kept going mental because I think he’s in love with my dad or something.

I’m getting off-topic. The babysitting thing came up again right at the end, where I mentioned it to my dad. Rose’s dad and him then suggested, “Hey Elm! Why don’t you three do it?” Rose, Poppy and I go volunteering at a run usually, and so we work as a team. We leapt on the idea (even though I was like “WHAAAAATTTT but children!”) and went to find the lady to tell her.

So yeah. I somehow have a tentitive job – the first EVER in my life. Literally EVER. What the hell is this?!

I can’t believe she thought me responsible enough to look after children. There are so many kids that are young in our road that we could never run out of people to look after. It’s honestly flattering that though she didn’t know me very well, she offered a “job” to me (and my friends because she was delighted when we said we’d all be doing it). I’m glad I get to hang out with the two girls more, too.

It’s strange. I know it’s not much, but both Rose and I really want something to do over the summer. I love the two of them and so being with them in someone else’s house, whilst we have to look after my neighbour’s children, should be fun. I’m worried I’ll screw it up, but I just want to give it a go.

Aaaahhh I’m being responsible! ME! ELM! At least I’m doing something though; that counts for a lot because I’m helping people out in my street and I want to show them and myself that I can be trusted.

Everyone does babysitting but it’s a big leap for me because no independence and also jobs and that are a huge worry for me, always have been.

Today was a really good day. I loved hanging out with Rose and just smiling, surrounded by music, little kids shrieking and the smells of barbeques.

From Elm πŸ™‚

At Least I Didn’t Laugh On My Own

I have this habit of being in a revision session for something I NEED to revise for, taking the piss and sobbing with laughter, but somehow still managing to take the information in and learn things.

Take today, for example. Willow and Wren turned up to the Physics session today and we all sat together. It’s the only session where I’ve full on burst out laughing without being terrified that I’d get killed by the teacher or fail my exam. To be fair, the teacher that took the session was a total legend, so that was brilliant.

Willow, Wren and I have a history of laughing way too much when we’re in a group. In year 8 – when Wren and I really became proper friends – we did science practicals together, and had a thing where we’d shout “5! 4! 3! ELEPHANT! 1!” when we needed to check times on a stopwatch, and nobody understood the inside joke or why we’d start screaming with laughter.

It was just little things that set me off into giggles. Wren decided it was a great idea to take the lids off six of her pens and put them in my lap, to which I cackled for a solid 2 minutes. Willow has hayfever, and whenever she sniffed I imitated her which made it so that I couldn’t breathe at one point.

There was a break in between two sessions and Willow and I walked out of school like total rebels, went to Sainsbury’s and bought some cookies. Along the way, I recounted a story where Wren, Red and I were in town, a massive lorrey blared it’s horn and Wren literally screamed, and I couldn’t speak or walk because I had tears running down my face because I was laughing too hard. When we went back to school, we sat on a bench and I updated her on the “sitch” – a word I am NEVER using again because I’m not cool – that’s going on at the moment with my “love life” which is a fucking joke.

Finally, in the last few minutes of the last session, our teacher started talking about spinning a conker round your head to demonstrate centripetal force. Me being me, I started to sing the Conkers song – you know that one you sang in primary school?

See, I would be embarrassed, but I don’t even care. The things Wren muttered throughout the session, which I misheard and then exclaimed “What the HELL did you just say?!” made all three of us interrupt the session because we were laughing. Other people wouldn’t understand HOW or WHY it was so funny, because it was literally just us three nudging each other and whispering nonsensical things that we then didn’t understand.

Ahhh, I love my friends so much. I NEEDED a few hours where I just laughed for no good reason. It took me back to the so-called “old days”, because Willow, Wren and I were just talking and sitting together and it was great.

Do you have friends like that, where you can just start howling with laughter and only you understand why?

I hope you like this post, even though I doubt it’ll make much sense. All I can say is disturbing that physics innuendos and pick-up lines should not be said whilst a teacher is talking.

From Elm πŸ™‚