Hiding from The Beast from the East

This morning, I stepped out of the taxi (I live 40 minutes away from school so that’s why I get it), gasped in confusion at the fact that there was frosty ice-snow on the ground, took a step and nearly shrieked because snow crunched under my feet. Actual snow. In England. In March.

Now, before you start shrieking, “WHAT, it’s been on the news for days, everyone’s wailing about it, are you blind or something?” I’d reply with the fact that I was ill yesterday, very inattentive on Tuesday and ill again on Monday. Yes, I’m blind, and I also was fully aware of the hysteria surrounding this storm. I, erm, didn’t parttake in that hysteria. No way.

I’m not talking about the places where there are red alert weather warnings, such as Scotland, Wales and some of the south of England. They’re justified in panicking – look at my awesome friend‘s post. I’m talking about the fact that after one flake of snow, people start screaming in fear. Not me, of course not, HAHAHAHA where would you get that impression from??

Yesterday, I approached the storm’s existence in a normal fashion. I had some of the best Twitter conversations with my new friends Mason and ABG. Can I just say, you make friends in the strangest of places. Jokes such as #Snunderstorms, magic carpets and Mason screaming about Aladin made me laugh so hard I cackled. It gave me a sense of security – I could handle the snow that wasn’t even bad in the morning.

Picture this. Snow is on either side of me as I walk down the path, the grass covered in a blanket of white. I turn left – all is fine. I walk on, the cold biting into my un-scarved neck because I’m stupid and didn’t bring one and I think my neck is frozen. Everything is good as I turn right again, my face peeking out from behind the building. I start making my way towards the sixth form block and oh shit no, it’s slippy. “I am dignified,” I think, “I will not fall over, I will not scream and I certainly will not start panicking!”

“there are some steps there,” says an unidentifiable staff member. I squeak mumble an acknowledgement and wander on. I’m just veering down the little slope – which was difficult to do with a cane and freezing senses – when someone approaches me.

“Hi Elm! How are you?” says one of the leading staff members in the sixth form.

“Oh hi yeah I’m doing really great actually! I just have to go really reeaally slowly so I don’t slip, it’s quite difficult hahaha!” True to form, I laugh painfully awkwardly and walk into the sixth form building, making some inane remark about how fucking freezing it is to another teacher.

You see, it’s not that I hate snow, or that I particularly like it. I find it difficult to walk in it on account of using a cane and it throws off my balance. The snow wasn’t deep enough for me to stand in it and to hear that awesome snow-sound. I don’t want to get ill again and I kept on yelling about this throughout the day, most likely pissing everyone off because I was making a fuss over nothing.

In lessons and at break, people kept on staring out of the window and discussing the possibility of it being a snow day tomorrow. We were all hoping for it – 30 teachers didn’t make it into school today and I think everyone was getting frustrated. Personally, I was hoping for it but also, I’ve only attended 2 days of school this week: today and Tuesday.

For once, our wishes were granted – an “executive decision” was made for there to be a snow day tomorrow. I’m still inwardly cheering but also panicking. Tonight, I’lll do some work, chat with friends and just relax (I’ve been doing it for the last 18 years so…).

If we can, I’m seeing my sister in Norwich tomorrow where she goes to university. Because the roads are quite dangerous at the minute, we’re not sure whether we can go; I’d love to see her and she and I will be so sad if we can’t. Saying that, I really don’t want to be put in danger from the snow or put anything else in danger either.

All in all, I think I’m going to hybernate. I’m sitting here now with a hot chocolate, my hands still really dry from when I was in Wales, filming, at the weekend. (More on that in a future blog post, I promise!) For now, I’m pretending that it’s not cold outside and that I’m perfectly composed.

I hope you enjoyed my somewhat nonsensical ramblings. I thought I’d make an easier post, where I don’t stress and just write. Let me know what you think!

Have you got snow where you are? If you’re not in England, how often do you get snow?

From Elm 🙂

A Little Segment of Internet Nostalgia

Back in the day – and by that I mean a year ago – I sent a lot of emails to my friend Ivy.

That had been happening since we were 12, like a routine. Sometimes, when I want to remember friendship, I look back and smile: when a crisis happened, I emailed her, usually with a long explanation. Over the past year, we’ve used messenger more to communicate, when we can’t call or see each other. Emails, though, are something I can never forget.

When I was 12, I used to email S (my now ex-boyfriend) a lot. Due to my, er, weird tendancies as a tween, he now has several horrendously embarrassing voice recordings that I sent to him. It’s become an on-going joke between us, because we both have recordings and emails that could mortify the other. Oh god, I don’t even want to think about the shit I said which I thought was cool at the time. My voice sounded like I knew everything and there’s one particularly awful one that I REFUSE to contemplate.

Now, the main group I email are bloggers. Saved in a folder far far away are some of the loveliest messages I’ve ever received from anyone, so well thought-out and beautiful to read. Whenever I get an email from one of you, it makes my day; I need to start emailing people more who I haven’t spoken to in a while.

I often find it “easier” to write an email to someone. I’m notorious for not replying to people, but with email, I can compose it spend TIME on it, without being pressured to respond just then. I can think more about what I want to write, which makes it less stressful. Because of Ivy, andother people, emails hold a special meaning to me. It’s rare now that I actually write one that’s not to teachers or bloggers, rarer even that I receive them, and whenever I do it’s nice and makes me smile.

On the Internet, in my files and folders and buried somewhere in the archives of Wattpad/Facebook/Twitter are a lot of things that I either love, despise or want to hide forever.

In addition to my voice recordings and nostalgic emails, there is:
• My various roleplay characters (I miss them)
• Various messenger conversations such as with Ash, which I just refuse to read because they’re either too uncomfortable or awful
• A horrific story I wrote when I was 7, that I typed up two years ago to keep (WHY?)
• Tweets from my 12-year-old self, more specifically the ones about the boyfriend I had then and the attention-seeking and overdramatic ones that came after that
• My ranty, three-paragraph long facebook posts from when I was 13. I was known for them, which now I think of it, is kind of bad
• My incredibly weird facebook comments and posts, plus numerous arguments I had various people (by the end of it, I enjoyed arguing and just did it for the banter)
• A video of me singing when I was 8 in my friends Poppy and Rose’s bathroom, in which I sound like a fly
• An even worse one of me attempting to do “sport”, which my dad plays to people sometimes when they come over
• Possibly the worst one of all: one of me when I was 11, talking about books. I’m not revealing any more because anonymity

Even if many of these make me cringe, or smile, I’ll always remember them with a sort of exasperated fondness. I’m looking back over Ivy’s emails and smiling because they are just so nice, and some I sent were nonsensical.

The ones from S are even funnier, as they’re just one line in an email attached to a voice recording. “Happy now?” “Shhhh” and “HEREEE” are just some of them. What was I thinking?

At some point, I’ll take a trip down memory lane, to properly show you my… Interesting internet side. For example, I have a document called “Bugger off” and “S’s shitty ramblings” and whenever I read them, I burst out laughing, like today when I was supposed to be having a free lesson.

I don’t plan on deleting any emails, or files, from when I was younger. They’re a reminder of who I was, all of the strange things I did, which make me who I am today.

Do you have anything terribly embarrassing/cute/nice on the Internet?

From Elm 🙂

The Latest Q and A Answers. Ever – Part 1

I have NO excuse for leaving this for so long, apart from that AS Levels are destroying me and I’m, erm, stressed? Yeah, that’s a TERRIBLE reason.

It was also that the questions you all gave me were amazing. So amazing, in fact, that my original plan of cutting them down to 20 failed miserably in a pile of its own ashes. I’ll be splitting this into 2 parts, with 15 questions to each one.

Before I jump in, if any of the new commenters that I’ve mentioned want to contact me for a guest post or if any new bloggers want to do the same, then visit this page or comment on this post.

Okay, here we go! Thanks to anyone and everyone who submitted questions; it was bloody hard picking the most interesting!

Lia: How do you feel about trees, considering you reference them in a lot of your blog?
I used to be indifferent to them – they were just bark, leaves and branches – but ever since I started calling myself Elm, they’ve meant more. I love them – all the different species, and how their leaves feel. Though I’m not exactly feeling like a ‘kindrid’ spirit with them, because of my tree name, I’m finding myself loving them because of the connotations to my blog. Is that weird?!

Finlay Worrallo who’s a new commenter: Which do you prefer — relationships where you’re certain they love you more than you love them, or the other way round?
Definitely the other way around. I never want to be in a situation where somebody else gets hurt because I don’t love them enough – I think for me, I find that I would rather I got hurt than the person who I was in a relationship with, which is warped thinking. Nobody deserves to have their heart shattered, but it’s better me because I loved someone than them because they loved me.

Untitled366: You are at the top of a flight of stairs. There’s a bag of £1,000,000 at the foot of the stairs but a cannibalistic half-human half-gremlin is standing next to it. Would you go down and get it?
HELL NO. That sounds so so terrifying, and I’m a notorious whimp. Then again, if I could, I’d throw something at the cannibal gremlin-human hybrid, run and get the money, and then throw the money at said hybrid. I mean, I’d never be able to do that, but I can dream. Psh, 1000000 pounds… To be honest I’d probably give a lot of it away.

Emily Clare Beauty: If you could own a chocolate factory with all the chocolate you could ever want or a luxurious desert island, which would you chose and why?
A chocolate factory, simply because a desert island sounds so dull. With a chocolate factory, I could literally make chocolate rooms or chocolate ANYTHING (which is basically my childhood dream). Plus, I despise sand and deserts typically have a fair bit of that.

Sav: If you could be stuck on a deserted island with any blogger who would it be?
This was a BRILLIANT question (I expected nothing less!) and hmm… I’m really not sure. I’d have to say either L because we’ve been friends for years and I KNOW he wouldn’t drive me too insane, or Fibit because I can tell that in a crisis, he’d keep a level head and wouldn’t run around screaming.

Just Average Teen Me: Have you (or any friends) ever had a crush on a teacher? If so, how far did you guys go with it?
I never have, but this girl who I’m (was?) friends with constantly had crushes on teachers. I don’t think or know if they were serious, but she didn’t have any boundaries when it came to telling anyone. Or them. Honestly, I gave up asking what was going on with that a long time ago.

Misstery: What is one of the most inspirational things somebody has ever said to you?
My friend Wren once said something like this to me, which has always stuck in my mind. “You’re not expected to be okay all the time. And one day, you will be, and you’ll look back on this and think – it hurt, and still does, but I’m okay. It’s a shit situation, but all you can do is get through it, and it’s NOT your fault for just doing that.” That’s why I love my friends so much, because they don’t sugarcoat anything. If you’re ever feeling miserable, then take her advice.

My Mind Speaks Aloud: If you were in a middle of a field and there was a giant unicorn chasing you with a baseball bat, would you: a) grab the random gun lying beside the flowers and shoot them b) climb up the nearest tree and jump on them or c) approach the unicorn carefully and pet them until you can safely take them home.
Option C, all the way! Who DOESN’t want a pet unicorn? I would just love it if that happened; plus, it seems like such a pictoresque scene to be petting a unicorn in a field full of flowers, like something out of a fairytale.

Rebecca Howlie– welcome to my blog by the way: If you had the ability to bring a fictional character to life, who would it be and why? And would you regret it?
Now THIS is a tricky question, because I’ve read so many books that I’ve lost track. There’s a character in my favourite series, the Worldwalker Trilogy, called Tristan who I absolutely LOVE (he’s amazing but also kind of messed up too sometimes but shhh). He just sounds like such a nice, loyal person. I WOULD regret it, probably, because I’d be taking him away from Lily and everyone else who loves him. Still, it’s a nice idea – this question was one of my favourites, by the way!

A coffee Stained thought: If you could create a perfume or some form of spray, what smell/flavour would it be and why?
I love the smell of rain upon the ground, that crisp smell that you smell when you step outside after the sun’s come out. I wish that it could be personified, so that it could actually capture that smell without it fading.

Say something: Would you rather spend a week on an island alone or with someone you can’t stand?
With somebody I can’t stand, because I hate feeling lonely. Also, in spending time with them, I’d hope that I could learn to like them and that they’d show me the personality that makes them a good person, because I think everyone has that in them. It’d draw us closer, anyhow, and the thought of being by myself on an island SCARES the hell out of me!

Aspen: Why in the world did you make your (ex) boyfriends fake name Aspen?
AAAAH OKAY, time to address this! Genuinely, I was NOT thinking when I made his name Aspen; when I started, I created some tree names and reserved Aspen for someone I thought I’d be serious about. It was only after I published the post that I realised, “HANG ON ELM YOU BASTARD, you have a FRIEND called Aspen! Y’know, a friend who’s lovely and who’s blog you adore? You idiot.” All in all, I’m a moron and the amount of times that people have mistook ex-boyfriend Aspen for you makes me laugh.

Aspen again: If we could meet- but you could only say one thing to me- what would it be?
“You are such an awesome person!” Simple as that. Then, I’d try (and fail) to mime what else I wanted to say, which would involve me shrieking because I got to meet you. That would be amazing!

Trisha: You’re in front of all your favourite bloggers, but you can only talk face to face with one, and have to text the rest. Who’s the blogger you’d talk to?
ARGH, you are so evil! WHY?! Why would you make me choose? Hmm… I’d say Leo because I’ve never spoken to them before, and they are the most awesome thing to exist. With the rest, I’d do a terrible attempt at illustrating my actions through interpretive dance. Again, I’d fail.

Sithara: Scenario: You’re in the middle of the lake and on one shore you see your best friends and on the other you see the love of your life. You can only swim to one shore of the lake and you can’t ever go back to the other. So which side would you chose?
The side with my friends. For me, I’ve always tried to make friends before love. They’re always here for you, helping you through whatever you’re struggling with, and they don’t break your heart so much. Love can change and I know that through whatever, friends wouldn’t give up on me for anything to do with love.

Thanks again, everyone! I’m so sorry for the insanely long post! Go and check out any bloggers you haven’t seen before because they’re all amazing!

From Elm 🙂

Making Friends and Helping People

Honestly, the post title sums up what I want to do with my life in 5 words. That’d be sad, if it wasn’t REALLY true. Do you want to make lots of money? NAHH, I want to make friends and help people! Wooo! (I’m tired)

Today was a good day, in the end. I thought it would be a bit like yesterday but it was so far from that that it made me smile.

Our school does this thing called a Peer Mentoring program, where older students – years 10 and 12 – help younger students. That can be with anything: school problems, home problems, or any worries they have. I signed up for it, writing out my HONEST feelings in my application form: this was about two weeks ago. I remember sitting there, telling my dad the words he should write, just trying to get the phrasing right. Applying was so important to me as I want to show younger people that they DO have someone to turn to, because the prospect of talking to teachers scared me then so I know it would scare them, too. I want to be someone they can trust, to give them confidence enough to speak up about what’s bothering them. Everyone deserv es to be able to be helped, no matter the scale of the problem or the help: telling people that you WILL listen to them would have done me so much good before.

For some screwed up reason, I got in. I’m slightly confused at the selection process, because one of my best friends didn’t get in when they REALLY should have. They’re wonderful at advice and listening to you, and I’m sad they’re not doing this with me. But I’m really happy and grateful that I got in, because I know this will not only help other people, but it’ll help me: if I make a difference to someone, it gives me the happiness to go and achieve so much more. It’s mostly, though, so I can listen to people when they want, and need, to talk.

At form (20 minutes after lunch – I’m giving too much away about my school life), we had a meeting for the mentors. I sat next to Oak – a friend of mine – and another girl. I haven’t given her a name yet, but she’s someone who joined our sixth form this year and has recently moved to England from another country. She’s lovely, and I think I properly made friends with her today: we’d exchanged words before, laughed together and talked about our lives, but it was before the teacher started speaking that I had the best conversation I’ve had all week. We spoke about how much we were looking forward to Peer Mentoring, happiness, being passionate about subjects, the education system in the country she used to live in and so much more. The conversation flowed easily, and I didn’t feel stupid: I felt like my opinions and thoughts were valid, which was further emphasised by the fact that I’d got into a program where my thoughts will be valid and helpful to at least someone.

After the meeting was finished, I had to go to English. I was kind of nervous, not knowing exactly where to go, and that situation made me another “friend”. A girl in my English class only comes to this school for English – she’s at another Sixth Form for her other subjects. I hadn’t spoken to her at all before, though I knew of her; she overheard me talking about the room and said: “Hey, I’m in your class!” The shock and slight embarrassment on my face was probably hilarious.

We walked together to our lesson, me holding her arm because again, I didn’t know where I was going exactly. That made her recount how she used to link arms with her friends and walk down the street. After that, like with the previous girl, we talked non-stop and easily. Chatting about primary school, making bee puns, her not getting the amazing bee pun I made (“Honestly, you’ve let yourself down, your school down and your country down!”) and laughing hysterically. I have never, and I mean NEVER, been able to talk so freely and comfortably with someone I didn’t know before. It’s mostly because I’m an antisocial caterpillar, but I’m slowly growing the shreds of wings.

Though I’m not separated from my Elm persona, I feel like it’s slowly coming to the fore in real life situations. That’s good: I’m displaying the “real me”. I have always had different aspects to myself which I show to different people, but it boils down to this: at my core, my heart, I’m just a person who wants to help other people. You’ve seen that in my posts, and in the advice I try and give to other people (here’s the part where I realise my advice is TERRIBLE, dinn’t tell anyone!).

I’m not hiding my so-called “inner tree”. The person I really am is someone who wants to be friendly with people, laugh freely – not be POPULAR, but I want to get the confidence to exchange words with people without ducking my head down or wondering if they think I look like a moron or if I speak too strangely. Today taught me that I’m really not as incapable at social interaction as I thought: it brings me so much happiness, so that I want to keep on talking to people. I’m glad I’ve got to the point where I can properly admit that I want to help people, talk to people and show them and myself who I am.

Maybe I won’t be able to do this in the classroom yet, still used to people thinking of me as having a teaching assistant sitting next to me, but I’ll get there. Peer Mentoring is going to make it worth it, so that when I talk to people, I can hold my head up and say: “Yes, you can trust me.”

From Elm 🙂

Smiling After Frowning is the Best Feeling Ever

My day started off horribly: I didn’t get the work sent to me for French so I had to run back to the “unit for us blind people” as I call it, and then I wanted to sob insanely because I got overwhelmed. I got really upset, because I have to do so much work: both to catch up and work outside of school to help me understand the subject.

But you know what? Now, I’m HAPPY. There are a few reasons why.

I panicked a bit earlier. I walked into the common room – for some reason I thought it was a great idea to go there, despite not knowing where my friends were. I felt everything go numb, I walked straight back out and leaned against the wall, trying to reconcile with myself that my breathing was too shallow and that I was getting frantic. A girl who I always thought thought I was stupid came up to me and asked if I was okay: not the patronising tone of someone who doesn’t care, but of someone who genuinely wants to know. “Are you waiting for someone?” she asked, and I said “Probably.” I knew she cared, even a little bit, which made me more happy than I can say because my classmates aren’t actually awful people.

After my French lesson from hell, I felt as if I was going to burst into tears. I went to the unit, met the other VI guy in my year (coincidentally we’re friends) and we chatted a little. I explained to him that in order to be able to stop myself from panicking, I had to DO something: that French homework, reading a book for English, anything that’ll make me feel productive. He didn’t quite get it, and asked if I practiced mindfulness – I don’t and I told him that it didn’t really work for me. Him trying to understand really made me feel better, because I was talking through my thought processes.

The head of VI (what we also call the unit) then came into the room and talked things out with me. She helped me to realise that I couldn’t do everything and it WAS hard, that I didn’t have to put so much pressure on myself but that she understood. That, coupled with Oak’s understanding, made it seem not so terrifying. I think I feel more positive now; I’ll have to catch up with French, plus do all the other extra work for my subjects, but I can do it. No crying, no fear; the only problem I’ll have is telling teachers I’m struggling. I still can’t do that much.

Every Friday since about midway through Year 11, a lot of my friendship group and I go to something we affectionately call ‘gay club’ – where LGBTQ+ people go to a classroom. I mean, we literally just hang out and yell a lot, but it’s great. Today, Wren brought cake and so 20 or so people turned up – some of which were straight but that didn’t matter – and there was the usual shrieking and I have no idea what most of the people were actually doing.

What was different about today was that someone knew turned up. She’s repeating year 12, and is friends with the year 13s that originally started the club (we’re all connected through various friendship groups) and she and I spent ages talking. She’s lovely, and we spoke about sexuality and how I call myself bisexual, but really, it’s not as defined as all that and it’s okay. She says it’s doubtful she’ll be coming back next week, but that we’d definitely see each other again; talking to someone new amongst people who were my friends was the greatest feeling because I was showing someone, who didn’t know before, who I was. I walked around the room a bit, mystified as to why my friends were piggy-backing each other across the floor and literally screaming, but then I returned to talk to her, Wren and a few others.

On the way to form, I laughed so hard that I nearly sobbed. I was walking with a friend – I called her Swan once so we’ll stick with it. She’s the type of person who you think is brilliantly insane, with crazy ideas that people look at her strangely for. However, she’s a really lovely person and has become a good friend to me the past few months: she laughs like a seagull, screams about Karl Marx, writes pisstake fanfictions about Donald Trump – but she’s ridiculously intelligent. We were walking to form, and I crashed into someone by accident. Because I’m cool, I full-on screamed (I was shocked okay!) which prompted so much laughter that I could barely stand up. It was just what I needed, honestly.

Today was also eventful (I sound like a news reporter ARGH) because I trusted someone with the fact that I had a blog. Pretty much the only friend I have in my form, he’s very thoughtful and just generally nice, though he was a bit of a dick to Willow so I’m not too happy about that. However, I was chatting to him about my difficulty with accompanying myself on piano when I sing, and we had the most lovely conversation. This is a paraphrase of what he said:
“You don’t write songs just to write them. Write them so that it’s genuine, so that people can tell it’s just from you rather than from just anyone. You can start simple, because sometimes, simplicity is the better option. Don’t try and overcomplicate things.” As always, he’s so right; I told him I had a blog because he’d said he doesn’t show anyone his songs, because of how personal they are. I can relate, with my songs and blog, and I told him that. It was lovely, because he just wasn’t bothered: he treated it like it was worth talking about, and didn’t dismiss it.

Despite the shitty start, my day ended amazingly. Laughing in history with Red, getting home and reading, and not feeling like the whole world is collapsing in on me like I did this morning. I mayh too much work to do, but that can wait for now; I’ll concentrate on myself for now.

If you’re having a bad day, try and look at the positives. Yes, it may just be one thing in a sea of negatives, but let that one thing make you happier. Some days are just awful, but in every day, there can be a reason to smile and bloody well be happy: I learnt that today. And if you can’t find a reason, you can make one.

Sometimes, days that you think will end up with you crying in a corner can, really, end with you remembering laughter.

From Elm 🙂

Confessions of a Not-So-Perfect Blogger

I’ll tell you now: everyone blogs a different way. It’s like when you walk: some people do it with short strides, others long, some people walk slowly (me) and others’ walking speed is twice my running speed. The same applies to blogging.

In the same way, every blogger’s imperfect. We do things to be great bloggers – talk to people, write fabulous posts (I’m talking about YOU, not me) and interact with people. But we also don’t do things, and the things we don’t do are different depending on the person.

Not doing those things isn’t bad. Remember that we all have a life outside blogging, and so not doing these things means that the Blogosphere doesn’t consume our lives.

I would never be a Superblogger (imagine that – a Superhero in blogger form). To show you that, I’m going to list all the things I DON’t do. Perhaps I feel guilty for it, but at the end of the day, to know a persony have to know the ‘good’ parts and the ‘bad’ parts.

As far as I can guess, all of you do this, too. I know, for a fact, I’m not the only one who does this.

1. I don’t read all the blogs I follow
Because I’ve been at this for well over a year, I follow well over a thousand blogs. There’s literally no way I would EVER be able to read people’s blogs, every single post they write. I’d implode, and never do any homework. Boom, social life down the drain. Plus, reading that many would be so stressful.

2. I unfollow blogs
Sometimes, someone follows me and I follow them back, not having read their posts. I then do so after a couple of weeks, realise it’s ‘not my thing’ and unfollow them. I do feel guilty for this one, but if I have no interest in that blog then the harsh reality is, I unfollow them because otherwise, I’d have a cluttered feed… Oh wait.

3. I’m not so good at interacting with bloggers
Give me a post, or a comment on my post, and I’m great: I reply, engage in conversation and all of that. Though I’ve got better, when I’m on Twitter or any other social networking site, I just don’t talk to people as much. If I overdid it, again, I’d have no free time at all! The Blogosphere would take me over.

4. I’m horrendous at replying to messages
Oh, dear. This isn’t just for blogging – it’s for real life too. A blogger messages me, and I’ve been known not to reply for days. DAYS. When I do reply, either ow conversation has dried up or it’s too awkward. However, I HAVE got better at this one too. I just get distracted easily okay NO that’s not a good excuse

5. I forget to comment on posts
Is it just me that does that? I have a great comment lined up, on a post that I love, and I just… Forget to write it, or I’m sure I wrote it already. I exit the page, and three days later I remember that I did not, in fact, post the comment and it’s too late to do it now/I’m too tired to write it again.

I could probably think of some more, but that’s it for now. They’re not terrible things – they’re common things people do (or don’t do).

On certain days, I find it difficult to balance real life and blogging. I always feel bad if I neglect one, but it can’t be helped; friends have been helping me to separate them by telling me it’s okay.

When you’re blogging, what kind of things do you not do that you wish you did more of? (That grammar is so bad).

From Elm 🙂

First Year at University

Hi all! Before the proper post starts, I wanted to introduce the author – an old friend of mine, called Tasia. I’ve known her for about a year, and she recently got back in contact with me after disappearing from the Blogosphere. She’s a lovely person and – well – I’ll just let you see that for yourself.
From Elm 🙂

Hello there everyone who follows Elm 🙂 My name is Tasia nice to meet ya.

I am just starting university and OH MY GOODNESS I am stressed.  I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and currently go to the University here.  Can I just say it’s more than I ever dreamed it would be?

It’s only my second day and a few disasters have happened but overall, I am having a good time.  But obviously all you want to hear about is the bad stuff am I right?  Of course I am.

So first off, I was almost late to my first class!  The parking lot was so full that it took me 20 minutes to find a parking spot, and it ended up being in the WAY BACK of the lot.  I then had to walk from my car, across the campus, to get to my class.  I had 15 minutes.  I had to hurry.  I made it, don’t worry, but after that class I had a short 30 minute break so I decided to stop off in the library to grab a cup of coffee – my second mistake.  When I swung my backpack off one shoulder to just quickly reach in my bag for my wallet the strap that I still had on SNAPPED OFF!!  I don’t know how it happened, it wasn’t like it was an old backpack, it literally was a BRAND NEW BACKPACK.  But I had to get to class so I didn’t have time to go put the broken backpack in my car and make it back in time, so I carried a broken backpack to my second class ever at uni.  Finally the class finished and I made the long trek to my car and swapped my backpack for my purse and just carried my materials, but when I locked my car I heard a male voice say “hey”. IT WAS A 40+ YEAR OLD MAN!!!! I awkwardly said “hi” back and started to walk away very quickly as he proceeded to go “you’re cute” and I was then panicked, said “THATS NICE” and walked away as quick as possible.

I decided on my way back into campus I would chill in the library until my friend Hanna got out of class, when on my way I head many protestors.  Or preachers.  I don’t know which you would call them.  They were yelling about how no one should bother going to church because Jesus isn’t there and all this other baloney and it was very weird.  I sat in the library and realized by this point I was quite hot and sweaty considering Las Vegas is around 110 degrees when it’s summer and after noon.  So I became very self conscious about smelling bad so I sprayed a little spritz of perfume under my armpits just in case and then the guy at the table across from me made a face and got up and left the floor of the library.  Personally, I think my perfume smells good but I made him RUN AWAY.

Needless to say my day was VERY INTERESTING and I now just sit in the very back of the library away from everyone because I don’t want to annoy people with my WONDERFUL SMELLING PERFUME.


If you enjoyed my misfortunes at University, have no fear, there will be more.  Go ahead and head over to my blog and read along as I fail at being a human :]


It’s so boiling outside that I can barely concentrate, but here goes.

Today, I met a blogger for the first time ever and I’m still smiling about it. Along with one of my best friends ever, L, we met the fabulous Fibit.

L and Fibit had already met several times (yes, I was jealous because he met a blogger before me but shhh), because they live relatively close to each other. We’d been planning this for a while, but I didn’t mention anything just in case, and I wanted to be sort of spontaneous. Yesterday I came round to L’s house, stayed over (which involved running from bees, lots of yelling, and a trip down to the shops that could have ended in disaster). This morning, we got up ridiculously early, after L changed plans about how we were going to get there about three times, and went to the train station because we’re just that fabulous. He and I were both nervous that I’d get lost somewhere along the way, but luckily I turned up in one piece.

If you know me, you’ll know that I get nervous over the stupidest things. Whilst on the train – between nearly falling over and shrieking – I was doing my crazy-villain-rubbing-my hands-together thing, and muttering “Ohmygod I’m a trainwreck!”. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be associated with me either. I didn’t think he was a kidnapper or anything, but come on, it was my first ever time meeting a blogger! Like EVER! It’s a big thing, and as we got off the train I had to stop and breathe, just to let it sink in.

I think the most hilarious part of the day was our ‘guiding chain’. In case you didn’t know, L and I are both blind (Fibit isn’t), and so we walked down the street in a line, with L or I crashing into things several times. Because I’m short, I had to hold onto L’s shoulders at one point which almost made me have to stand on tiptoes.

After we met up, we went to some coffee shop, and because I’m boring I didn’t get coffee (what, it’s gross!). Seriously, throughout the day I kept on having this realisation that THREE BLOGGERS were wandering round town, two of them blind, with pretty much no idea where we were going. It was trés fabulaux.

We went and sat on a bench as well, in some random shopping centre, and just chatted. In real life, L and I bicker constantly, and on several occasions I jokingly snapped at both of them, “Well y’know what, I hate you too!” I also laugh a lot. Honestly, I’m SUCH a rebel that it makes me cringe every time. Why did they put up with me?

Like the teenagers we are, there was an obligatory selfie in another coffee shop. I probably looked like a turtle or something, but I have it saved on my phone to actually prove to myself that I was there. Even though I can’t see the picture. Shhh! The group hug outside the station made me feel all sentimental, but I probably came off as a right weirdo, knowing me.

All in all, my first experience of meeting a blogger was so surreal. I’m very glad that L was with me, too, because I would have been too nervous to go by myself because I’m a bloody whimp.

After we got back to L’s, we went for Afternoon Tea which was about the poshest thing I’ve ever done. I mean, I’m posh enough as it is, but eating scones, tiny sandwiches and eclairs in the shade outside… I’ve out-poshed myself. It turns out that I actually like meringues, which was a shocker. I called the waiter ‘sir’, lost my napkin, and burst out laughing on more than one occasion. Clearly, I don’t fit in at a posh establishment at all. Seriously though, it was great; the food was lovely and the tea was amazing. As well as that, the adjective that comes to mind is picturesque, because the place seemed as if it came straight out of a story.

Us three bloggers already have plans to meet up after Results’ Day (I’ll be crying over my results of course) and we’ve nicknamed ourselves the “Real Life Blog Squad”. Well, somebody did; it was probably me and the name won’t catch on, but I can at least try!

BLOODY HELL, the Elm met an actual blogger. I’m so happy, because I actually did this, and it didn’t go wrong! Wooo!

I know that I’m terrible at keeping my anonymity, but today was so so worth it. I felt like Elm, mixed with my real name identity, and it was weird but very nice. Right now, it seems like blogging’s not just a thing of the internet, but something that CAN cross over into real life.

By the way, I’m sorry for not blogging in ages. I hope you guys are doing well.

From Elm 🙂

They Searched This and Found My Blog?

Hi everyone!

In my time of blogging (I sound old what the hell; it’s only been a year and three months!), I like to look at my stats page to see how I’m getting on. We all do it, even if we say follower count doesn’t matter; it’s nice to find out how many views you got each day and that.

However, in the corner of the stats cave, you find a little section called “Search terms.” Most of them are unknown search terms, where you can’t tell what was searched that found your blog, but there are the rare few that you can see.

Most are okay. Most are just “justelm” or “just call me elm or something”, but there are some that are just… Really weird. Maybe THEY’RE not weird, in themselves, but the fact that people searched them up and found my blog? I wonder what kind of content I have that some of these would be relevant.

In something I’ve never done before, I’m going to “react” to them. The search terms will be in bold, with my comments below. Beware of either heavy sarcasm, all caps, or confusion. Here we go!

Just to say, Cait from PaperFury was the inspiration for this without me realising, because she does this sort of thing every month and they’re hilarious. If you don’t follow her already, do so because she’s one of my favourite book bloggers of ever.

(I don’t know when exactly these were searched up, but I can link them to some posts – I found them by filtering my stats by year. Also, I’m really sorry but there’s a fair bit of strong language in this post, for anyone easily offended).

People are always calling me ungrateful
If that’s the case, then tell them to piss off. Whoever searched this up, I doubt it’s true. Also, what post would that even be linked to – OH WAIT, I always call myself bad things on my blog. Bad Elm!

I hate you stupid bastard
Well damn. Someone’s pissed off. What’d the bastard ever do to you? Actually don’t answer that; I have a horrible feeling that they must have found this horrendous post from over a year ago. Okay, let me just cringe in a corner…

Miranda sings suck cock
What the FUCK???!!!! WHO searched this?! Do I want to know? No, no I don’t. I feel disturbed. Um, kids, sorry for the profanity? But seriously, how the literal hell did they find my blog through that I’m vaguely horrified.

When start my love life what call that day
Either the worst or best day of your life, depending on how you view love. Also, there isn’t a set day where you “start your love life”. Hey, it’s Wednesday today! Let’s go out and fall in love! Er, no. I know that I post about my so-called “love life”, so maybe THAT’s how they found me.

Best message for ungrateful stupid people
Not to call them ungrateful or stupid? Or maybe, “Go away, you don’t appreciate me so I see no reason why I have to return the favour.” Here with the ungrateful spiel again; I mean, if you look through some of my earlier, cringey posts, you can kind of see why the word ‘ungrateful’ linked to my blog. Oops.

Best talking ex bugger off
If you want your talking ex to bugger off, who is apparently the best, then just tell them! The sentence doesn’t even make sense, so who knows what this means? It could be that their ex is Called “Bugger Off”, and if that’s the case I feel sorry for them. We’ll never know the true meaning.

Who is get female best blind motivators
NOT ME! Seriously, not me; don’t look at me! What’s concerning is that they found ME through that. Me being the “best female blind motivator” is so horrifying that it makes me laugh. Hahahaha, me, a motivator? Psh.

But I love my something mars
I don’t even have a response to that. Who is your Mars? Do you mean the planet or the God of War (or the chocolate)? I love Mars Bars, mainly because I adore chocolate, but all I want to know is who your Mars is. Is that too much to ask?

Feelings of ash fucking
Please, please tell me that they don’t mean the tree. Because that’s gross. If they mean someone called Ash, I can’t think of them without thinking of my ex-best friend now drug addict bastard person Ash. And feelings of Ash fucking – do they mean what it would be like for the ash or for them? Ew I actually feel sick.

On that note, I’m going to leave it. I’m so confused as to how or why they’d search up those specific phrases… Who knows?

If I find any more weird search terms, I’ll let you know.

Have a look through your stats page. What’s the weirdest thing anyone’s ever searched that has linked to your blog?

From Elm 🙂

APPARENTLY I’m Responsible?!

So I might have landed myself something that might be considered a “job”. Yeah, I don’t know what the hell happened either.

Today, we had a street party. In our street, there are TONS of little kids – and though they’re cute, they run out and cause mayhem, and there’s no one my age apart from a boy in year 10 called Curtis who didn’t even come out of the house (or maybe he’d gone to see his friends or something).

I REALLY didn’t want to be bored. It was boiling for the first part of it, and I was terrified I’d just be standing outside with no one to talk to but my dad. Yesterday, I asked Rose (a really close family friend my age) if she wanted to come, and she said yes. Along with her father, she turned up an hour late because her dad was doing gardening: she’t texted me, but me being a rebel, I left my phone inside because I wanted to have the freedom of not being connected to technology.

Rose, her sister Poppy and I are close in the sense that sisters are close. We’re so comfortable around each other – we might not be able to talk about EVERYTHING, like there’s a lot we don’t know about one another, but I love them. Not that I’d say that to them because we hate getting sentimental with each other. I hung out with Rose all day outside, and we chatted to loads of people in my street – most of which I didn’t actually know.

One of the people was this lovely woman – I think she might have been American? She has a 7-year-old boy and asked me if I was interested in babysitting (I told her I’d never thought about it but that my sister had done it before for other people in the street). After that, I didn’t pay much mind to it because I’m ME AND I’d feel sorry for the kid I had to babysit. Plus the being blind thing made me nervous that I’d fuck up, when it shouldn’t have.

For the rest of the time, Rose and I sat round a table – it was alternately sunny, windy then overcast – just talking about books, life and everything. Though I was sad that Poppy couldn’t come, it was lovely to talk to Rose one-on-one. She and I are so comfortable with each other that it was normal to stand with our arms around each other and be really close physically. Also, we talked about so-called “awkward” topics like sex, which I’d never spoken to her about before and it was so so strange but amazing. She has the same book taste as me, and she’s about the only friend from real life that DOES and we were screaming about the books we loved. (Convinced her to read The 5th Wave which made my life)

We cringed so much at the kid’s games that were going on – you know, the ones you get in Sports Day in primary school – three-legged race and that. The worst part was that our dads took part in a few and I was just sat there crying with laughter while an 8-year-old girl screamed into the microphone about the next race (they also somehow broke the mic and my dad had to fix it). It was literally amazing and so so bloody tiring because Rose’s dog kept going mental because I think he’s in love with my dad or something.

I’m getting off-topic. The babysitting thing came up again right at the end, where I mentioned it to my dad. Rose’s dad and him then suggested, “Hey Elm! Why don’t you three do it?” Rose, Poppy and I go volunteering at a run usually, and so we work as a team. We leapt on the idea (even though I was like “WHAAAAATTTT but children!”) and went to find the lady to tell her.

So yeah. I somehow have a tentitive job – the first EVER in my life. Literally EVER. What the hell is this?!

I can’t believe she thought me responsible enough to look after children. There are so many kids that are young in our road that we could never run out of people to look after. It’s honestly flattering that though she didn’t know me very well, she offered a “job” to me (and my friends because she was delighted when we said we’d all be doing it). I’m glad I get to hang out with the two girls more, too.

It’s strange. I know it’s not much, but both Rose and I really want something to do over the summer. I love the two of them and so being with them in someone else’s house, whilst we have to look after my neighbour’s children, should be fun. I’m worried I’ll screw it up, but I just want to give it a go.

Aaaahhh I’m being responsible! ME! ELM! At least I’m doing something though; that counts for a lot because I’m helping people out in my street and I want to show them and myself that I can be trusted.

Everyone does babysitting but it’s a big leap for me because no independence and also jobs and that are a huge worry for me, always have been.

Today was a really good day. I loved hanging out with Rose and just smiling, surrounded by music, little kids shrieking and the smells of barbeques.

From Elm 🙂