“I Don’t Think I Exist” Would be a Great Title for a Book

If you like contemplating your existence, and you also want to experience the mind-confusion I had earlier, then you should read this post. Hey, I NEED someone to share in the ohmygod-do-i-exist thoughts I have!

We had a feature lecture today, which meant that we had to sit on the floor for 45 minutes whilst a teacher spoke to us. I thought that it would be seriously boring, because I was tired anyhow and I was in a shit mood, but let’s not even go there.

Don’t ask me what the lecture was about; I couldn’t tell you. Red probably could – he was sitting on a chair next to me – and Wren, who sat next to me on the other side and kept on ripping up bits of paper and putting them on my lap, experienced the same mind-fuckery as I did.

There was something that the teacher said to us, near the beginning, that RATHER screwed with my mind.

“How do we know what’s real? How do we know if WE’re real?”

It’s true. As he spoke more, I felt myself go cold and get this weird and slightly horrific feeling, like everything was bigger than me. That’s because it’s true, and I’ll tell you what he said. I want you to think about it, because it’s been cycling through my head, and I want you to REALLY think, if you can.

Think about the technology we have now. 200 years ago, we didn’t have phones, television, radio; the first recordings hadn’t been made. Think about what it would be like 200 years in the future. 500. 1000. How much will we have progressed? Have that in your mind.

500 years from now, people will probably have the technology to create simulations of history that are so complex that they reinact events. They would be used to see how things would have played out if an event hadn’t happened, or had – a characteristic would be programmed into the “people”, and they wouldn’t know they weren’t real. It’s a weird concept to wrap your head around – it was for me. These futuristic people would observe their creations, from any time or place or area. Think of it like a computer game, any you play; you see characters on the screen and apply that to what it MIGHT be like in the future.

There’s a theory that suggests we’re simulations. Imagine this , the teacher said: somebody creates as many students as there are in your school, gives you a personality, appearance, and watches you all interact. Are you real, or are they the real ones?

We watched a video. It said that the chance of us being the “real” universe is approximately one in a million. That wasn’t necessarily what freaked me out so much.

“So, the future people might create these universes. In 200 years, they have the capacity to create 10. In 500, it’s 100. In 1000 years, it could be 10000 and in 10000 years? There could be a million simulations. Thousands of versions of you, or someone like you, all through time and space. Which one of you is real, if any? Are you ALL real?”

Yeah, that scared me a little, I started to think: imagine this huge society, in the future or one outside of our understanding, who have created us for whatever reason. It sounds a little like God, or different Gods, and the video – which I didn’t take entirely as truth because it’s just one source of information – says that the people who believe the simulation theory think that there IS a higher power, but it’s only higher because it’s in the future. So, who knows?

Then again, all of this could be bullshit. How would you know, though? You don’t know if you’re real or not – someone in a box with opaque walls wouldn’t know there was life outside the box. That’s a rubbish example, but you know what I mean.

People live their lives, not thinking about how they exist. You could think that you were just born BECAUSE, or that you were created by God, science or anything in between; you could believe that you were reborn from another life. But think about the simulation theory for a second. Because anything could be true – God or futuristic people or science., and my mind’s been whirling through everything we’re told.

Our teacher said something else: “You don’t know that what you’re being told is TRUE. 2000 years ago, most people thought the Earth was the centre of the universe and that the Earth was flat.” This simulation thing could be yet another thing that isn’t true, but at the same time, what if it IS? I’m trying not to think about it so my mind doesn’t get overwhelmed.

What if, say, a future society DID simulate us (actually then what time would we be in UGH), and they were simulated themselves? Layers upon layers of stuff we couldn’t understand, that I won’t even hope for. My brain is imploding.

There was this time that Ivy and I got really scared over the idea of reincarnation. I was brought up in a Christian school – I’m an Atheist – but I partly believe in reincarnation, and also I entertain the possibility of alternate universes, dimensions, of aliens existing that will literally not be understood by us. Of Heaven and Hell, and magic and everything. I might not believe it, but I think about it.

The simulation theory – it’s not even called that but we’ll go with it – reminded me that there are infinite possibilities for existence. No matter what you believe, whether that’s the same to those around you or vastly different, you don’t have to hide how you thought you came about. Because really, how are we going to know about all of it? People believe different things and that’s fine, because you can’t prove them wrong, and I love learning about people’s different beliefs anyhow.

Ahhh, I love thinking. It makes me happy, though it does mess up my mind.

Hopefully, you understand a bit more about how some people think. If I haven’t laid it out clearly enough, and it’s too jumbled from my erratic existence screaming, do let me know. I wanted to tell you guys about this as SOON as my thoughts started racing, because I think it’s so interesting.

Also, I don’t want to offend anyone with this post. Whatever you believe, WHOEVER you believe in, I’m not undermining it at all.

How do you think we came into existence? I’m really interested to know.

From Elm 🙂

What the hell do I believe in?

Heya – it’s Elm here 🙂

Sorry about earlier. Raven and I were just freaked out as hell.

So, we still don’t know if we believe if reincarnation, or whatever this is, exists. We had a chat about whether it could be a loop of time that broke, somehow, but that created even more confusion.

To be honest, my philosophy is this:

We’ve only got one life that we remember, unless we somehow remember a past life that COULD possibly exist. Why some people remember it and others don’t, I have no idea; does that mean it only exists for SOME people and not others? That wouldn’t make sense. None of it does.

But we have only one life to live RIGHT NOW. It’s no use dwelling on whatever the hell past lives we might have had or future lives. Right now, I’m already too concerned with this one.

If reincarnation DOES exist, then what about the other religions? I don’t think I could believe that what you have in one life would determine what you get in the next – you know, as in Karma.

In fact, I have no idea what I believe just now. I don’t think I’ll ever believe in a god, or gods: I just couldn’t. I AM an Atheist, which means I do not believe in the presence of gods.

But can an Atheist believe in reincarnation? How would it work? I don’t bloody know. I honestly think I won’t believe in this, but that doesn’t mean that I have to close off my options.

There’s so much damn stuff in the world we don’t know about. I’m the type of person to be a cynic: I believe in the scientific approach. I often hate talking about this because I refuse to insult people’s religions.

I have no religion. I won’t follow rules set out in a book or scripture. I’m a bloody human and make of that what you will: I don’t want to follow something. I believe what I believe, but a documentary can’t change it.

What can change it? I suppose I can. There’s nothing divine about this: people still believe in magic. Some people still believe in the Greek or Roman gods. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Whatever the hell I end up believing in, it’s my beliefs. I know they’re mine, but I label myself an Atheist for the simple fact that evolution is what I believe in.

Reincarnation doesn’t have to oppose that. I don’t believe there is “life after death”. You die, you die. But if you DO believe in a Heaven, that’s perfectly fine. It’s what YOU believe and hell knows I have no right to judge.

What do you think? What do YOU believe in?

My beliefs are screwed up right now. Like I said, I don’t believe in any gods. That doesn’t mean that I have to believe in anything. If I believe in reincarnation, it neither makes me a Hindu nor a Buddhist, even though I have respect for those religions.

It makes me me.

I’m sorry – I’ve confused myself. I guess I’m just confused as hell right now, and I know Raven is too. When you think about it, it’s terrifying; we went round in a circle trying to talk about it.

I hope you don’t mind my ramblings. It’s difficult to describe my beliefs, such as why I believe there’s no god and I don’t believe we’re put here for a higher purpose.

If I’ve offended you, I’m sorry. I’m just putting my beliefs out there, frankly, to… Express myself, I think. Your beliefs are just as valid, if not more, than mine, because you might KNOW what you believe in.

Ugh. What the hell? I hate questioning things. It makes my head hurt. I suppose it’s more simple to just go, “EH, no God!” or “Yeah, there are Gods out there.” It’s EASIER, but I want to question things. Maybe some things exist, and others don’t; I’ve probably got it all wrong.

Thank you so much for reading. God, this post was originally just supposed to be a short one, but it’s made me think about MYSELF.

And Raven, I hope you like this. Now I can FINALLY refer to you here because I was so stuck for a name!

From Elm 🙂

PS: My first writing piece should be up either today or tomorrow on my writing blog. As to what it is, I don’t know yet.