“I Don’t Think I Exist” Would be a Great Title for a Book

If you like contemplating your existence, and you also want to experience the mind-confusion I had earlier, then you should read this post. Hey, I NEED someone to share in the ohmygod-do-i-exist thoughts I have!

We had a feature lecture today, which meant that we had to sit on the floor for 45 minutes whilst a teacher spoke to us. I thought that it would be seriously boring, because I was tired anyhow and I was in a shit mood, but let’s not even go there.

Don’t ask me what the lecture was about; I couldn’t tell you. Red probably could – he was sitting on a chair next to me – and Wren, who sat next to me on the other side and kept on ripping up bits of paper and putting them on my lap, experienced the same mind-fuckery as I did.

There was something that the teacher said to us, near the beginning, that RATHER screwed with my mind.

“How do we know what’s real? How do we know if WE’re real?”

It’s true. As he spoke more, I felt myself go cold and get this weird and slightly horrific feeling, like everything was bigger than me. That’s because it’s true, and I’ll tell you what he said. I want you to think about it, because it’s been cycling through my head, and I want you to REALLY think, if you can.

Think about the technology we have now. 200 years ago, we didn’t have phones, television, radio; the first recordings hadn’t been made. Think about what it would be like 200 years in the future. 500. 1000. How much will we have progressed? Have that in your mind.

500 years from now, people will probably have the technology to create simulations of history that are so complex that they reinact events. They would be used to see how things would have played out if an event hadn’t happened, or had – a characteristic would be programmed into the “people”, and they wouldn’t know they weren’t real. It’s a weird concept to wrap your head around – it was for me. These futuristic people would observe their creations, from any time or place or area. Think of it like a computer game, any you play; you see characters on the screen and apply that to what it MIGHT be like in the future.

There’s a theory that suggests we’re simulations. Imagine this , the teacher said: somebody creates as many students as there are in your school, gives you a personality, appearance, and watches you all interact. Are you real, or are they the real ones?

We watched a video. It said that the chance of us being the “real” universe is approximately one in a million. That wasn’t necessarily what freaked me out so much.

“So, the future people might create these universes. In 200 years, they have the capacity to create 10. In 500, it’s 100. In 1000 years, it could be 10000 and in 10000 years? There could be a million simulations. Thousands of versions of you, or someone like you, all through time and space. Which one of you is real, if any? Are you ALL real?”

Yeah, that scared me a little, I started to think: imagine this huge society, in the future or one outside of our understanding, who have created us for whatever reason. It sounds a little like God, or different Gods, and the video – which I didn’t take entirely as truth because it’s just one source of information – says that the people who believe the simulation theory think that there IS a higher power, but it’s only higher because it’s in the future. So, who knows?

Then again, all of this could be bullshit. How would you know, though? You don’t know if you’re real or not – someone in a box with opaque walls wouldn’t know there was life outside the box. That’s a rubbish example, but you know what I mean.

People live their lives, not thinking about how they exist. You could think that you were just born BECAUSE, or that you were created by God, science or anything in between; you could believe that you were reborn from another life. But think about the simulation theory for a second. Because anything could be true – God or futuristic people or science., and my mind’s been whirling through everything we’re told.

Our teacher said something else: “You don’t know that what you’re being told is TRUE. 2000 years ago, most people thought the Earth was the centre of the universe and that the Earth was flat.” This simulation thing could be yet another thing that isn’t true, but at the same time, what if it IS? I’m trying not to think about it so my mind doesn’t get overwhelmed.

What if, say, a future society DID simulate us (actually then what time would we be in UGH), and they were simulated themselves? Layers upon layers of stuff we couldn’t understand, that I won’t even hope for. My brain is imploding.

There was this time that Ivy and I got really scared over the idea of reincarnation. I was brought up in a Christian school – I’m an Atheist – but I partly believe in reincarnation, and also I entertain the possibility of alternate universes, dimensions, of aliens existing that will literally not be understood by us. Of Heaven and Hell, and magic and everything. I might not believe it, but I think about it.

The simulation theory – it’s not even called that but we’ll go with it – reminded me that there are infinite possibilities for existence. No matter what you believe, whether that’s the same to those around you or vastly different, you don’t have to hide how you thought you came about. Because really, how are we going to know about all of it? People believe different things and that’s fine, because you can’t prove them wrong, and I love learning about people’s different beliefs anyhow.

Ahhh, I love thinking. It makes me happy, though it does mess up my mind.

Hopefully, you understand a bit more about how some people think. If I haven’t laid it out clearly enough, and it’s too jumbled from my erratic existence screaming, do let me know. I wanted to tell you guys about this as SOON as my thoughts started racing, because I think it’s so interesting.

Also, I don’t want to offend anyone with this post. Whatever you believe, WHOEVER you believe in, I’m not undermining it at all.

How do you think we came into existence? I’m really interested to know.

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

As Long as There Are People

I don’t want to write today. My heart’s heavy and I’m…

Angry. I’m furious. I’m heartbroken.

In case you didn’t know, in Nice, 84 people died yesterday whilst celebrating Bastille Day. That included children, and all kinds of people, none of whom deserved to die. A lorry crashed into the crowd, purposefully zigzagging to injure more people. As of now, we don’t know if the man was acting alone, or if he was acting with a terrorist organisation like ISIS.

I am disgusted. Over the last year, so many attacks have happened. Paris, Bagdad, Iraq, and so many more – everywhere it seems, and so many that people lose track. The death tolls just become numbers, but the horror still remains. 20 dead. 180 dead. 36 dead. Dead, dead, dead. People still care. Do they care? Dead.

It’s like a punch to the stomach, every time. Why would they do this? What have people done – nothing. They’ve done nothing to deserve to be caught in the crossfire of something that’s not their war, but that’s what war is now. Killing when you don’t expect it. Hiding behind guns, a wheel, a group that apparently fights for a religion when we know that terrorism has no religion.

Don’t blame Islam. I’ve already seen one person on my personal twitter write something so horrible, akin to “Islam isn’t a religion of peace”, “The left will try to defend Islam now” and my blood boiled. How dare you? How dare you say something like that, when it’s only a small percentage of Muslims who agree with this shit, and hardly any would agree to the innocent people being killed. In every religion, you get good and bad people so to say that many Muslims are in support of this makes me more disgusted than I can fathom. That just spreads the hate even more widely, and what the world and what the people who’s families have been torn apart need now is love.

Yes, I’m making little sense, but I don’t need to. It’s perfectly clear. Innocent lives were lost, and the blame should not be put on a religion. It should be put on the people who organised the killings.

I ask myself, will it ever stop? Because I’m scared. We have no idea of the thoughts and feelings of the people in Syria right now, who fear for their lives. We don’t know. They haven’t attacked the UK yet, and if they do, it’ll be when we least expect it. I wish it wasn’t so terrifying.

My head is clouded, and I can barely think. Attack after attack, bomb after bomb after gun after screams. It’s important to be real with you, not sugar-coat it, because to say it will all be fine is stupid. Listen, and take notice, because ignoring this is tantamount to pulling the wool over your eyes. There are families without a mother, daughter, son, father, granddaughter, sister, brother. That happens all the time, but when it’s closer to home, it hits you in the face. This is REAL.

As long as there are people on this Earth, this will always happen. People will always be killed, because of terrorism, murder, accidents, anything. People will always scream, “WHY?!” and no one can give an answer that’s right.

As long as people are here, though, someone will always fight it. Not me, maybe not you reading this, but someone. Through a haze of fear, that I’m trying to dissipate, we need to remember that not everything is hopeless. I haven’t been personally affected by a terrorist attack yet – no one I know has died – but there is always a possibility.

I may not be able to do anything. But I – we – can spread the word, that en ce moment nous sommes avec Nice, peut-รชtre toujours.

We don’t have guns to fight with, we aren’t powerful and maybe no one will listen, but we still have our voices. Stand up against hate, intollerance, and maybe something will happen. It might not stop the attacks, but at least we can say that one less person’s heart is filled with loathing.

If you are personally affected by the tragedy, I am so sorry. Words are not enough, and I’m just one girl, but I want to reach out and help. Words can only do so much, but they’re all we have right now.

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

Guest Post – A Sense of Self, Part 2

I was going to come up with an original title, but I loved this person’s title, so just go with it.

I’ve got a guest post for ya today, from the author of Welcome To… Pet. Go check out their blog – their About page is fantastic, can I just say.

So, we collaborated on the senses – saying what our favourite things were. It WASN’T my idea, so kudos goes to Pet. You can find my responses right over here, but enough of self-promotion. These are Pet’s beautiful responses.

What is your favourite thing to…
1. Feel?
Soft hoodies. Any clothes that are extremely soft, I’m down.

2. Taste?
A thai dish called Khao Soy. It’s a savory orange curry with chicken and egg noodles. I’m obsessed with that stuff.

3. Smell?
When something (it can be anything. Chicken, cake, lasagne) is baking in an oven.

4. Hear?
People laughing, including myself. When someone is just laughing loudly and freely just because they’re happy, it’s the best thing in the world to hear.

5. Has anything bordering on supernatural ever happened to you?
Well, yes. When I was fourteen, I was coming out of a deep depression. I’d only been better for a while, when at night I began having terrible nightmares, so bad I would wake up tangled in the sheets and absolutely frozen, unable to go back to sleep. I had dreams of blue and black demons, and once that I was falling into Hell. It got so bad that I began to dread when nighttime came and I’d have to sleep.
One night I had a dream that I was taking a shower, than this black bug-like demon appeared and was just staring at me. I began to get scared, of course. I guess now I should mention that I’m Christian, and I believe I have power over dark forces (I’d totally beat Darth Vader, mwahaha). So I commanded this evil thing to leave, and then I suddenly heard a loud thunderclap, and the creature vanished. Then there was this really bright light, and I woke up.
Now fastforward to a few nights later. I was still having nightmares, and getting desperate because I couldn’t even sleep. I asked my older sister to pray for me. She commanded my nightmares to leave. Then, would you believe it, right at that moment there was a loud thunderclap outside and I felt chills go up and down my body. Then it felt like a really heavy burden had been lifted off my chest. I didn’t have any more nightmares after that.

So, there you have it! Even though I’m not Christian, I was really fascinated by that last response – and I loved all the rest.

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

And Even if you Don’t Celebrate It

This is just a quick post, but MERRY CHRISTMAS, or HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ๐Ÿ™‚

So, I didn’t get much sleep last night for reasons which might be revealed later, but still, I had a fantastic day yesterday before that. I hope you did too, and that you’re going to have a wonderful day today.

I’m. not Christian, but I celebrate Christmas – I guess it’s a cultural thing. I celebrate it because I just want to be with my family, and to be happy and have no real worries for two days.

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, have a wonderful day, as ALL your days should be wonderful regardless of holidays. No matter who. you are, what you believe in, just smile and let yourself be happy. You deserve it.

Here’s to the Christmases to come, when I’ll still be blogging. I hope we’ll all still be here, because you’re all great.

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

What the hell do I believe in?

Heya – it’s Elm here ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry about earlier. Raven and I were just freaked out as hell.

So, we still don’t know if we believe if reincarnation, or whatever this is, exists. We had a chat about whether it could be a loop of time that broke, somehow, but that created even more confusion.

To be honest, my philosophy is this:

We’ve only got one life that we remember, unless we somehow remember a past life that COULD possibly exist. Why some people remember it and others don’t, I have no idea; does that mean it only exists for SOME people and not others? That wouldn’t make sense. None of it does.

But we have only one life to live RIGHT NOW. It’s no use dwelling on whatever the hell past lives we might have had or future lives. Right now, I’m already too concerned with this one.

If reincarnation DOES exist, then what about the other religions? I don’t think I could believe that what you have in one life would determine what you get in the next – you know, as in Karma.

In fact, I have no idea what I believe just now. I don’t think I’ll ever believe in a god, or gods: I just couldn’t. I AM an Atheist, which means I do not believe in the presence of gods.

But can an Atheist believe in reincarnation? How would it work? I don’t bloody know. I honestly think I won’t believe in this, but that doesn’t mean that I have to close off my options.

There’s so much damn stuff in the world we don’t know about. I’m the type of person to be a cynic: I believe in the scientific approach. I often hate talking about this because I refuse to insult people’s religions.

I have no religion. I won’t follow rules set out in a book or scripture. I’m a bloody human and make of that what you will: I don’t want to follow something. I believe what I believe, but a documentary can’t change it.

What can change it? I suppose I can. There’s nothing divine about this: people still believe in magic. Some people still believe in the Greek or Roman gods. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Whatever the hell I end up believing in, it’s my beliefs. I know they’re mine, but I label myself an Atheist for the simple fact that evolution is what I believe in.

Reincarnation doesn’t have to oppose that. I don’t believe there is “life after death”. You die, you die. But if you DO believe in a Heaven, that’s perfectly fine. It’s what YOU believe and hell knows I have no right to judge.

What do you think? What do YOU believe in?

My beliefs are screwed up right now. Like I said, I don’t believe in any gods. That doesn’t mean that I have to believe in anything. If I believe in reincarnation, it neither makes me a Hindu nor a Buddhist, even though I have respect for those religions.

It makes me me.

I’m sorry – I’ve confused myself. I guess I’m just confused as hell right now, and I know Raven is too. When you think about it, it’s terrifying; we went round in a circle trying to talk about it.

I hope you don’t mind my ramblings. It’s difficult to describe my beliefs, such as why I believe there’s no god and I don’t believe we’re put here for a higher purpose.

If I’ve offended you, I’m sorry. I’m just putting my beliefs out there, frankly, to… Express myself, I think. Your beliefs are just as valid, if not more, than mine, because you might KNOW what you believe in.

Ugh. What the hell? I hate questioning things. It makes my head hurt. I suppose it’s more simple to just go, “EH, no God!” or “Yeah, there are Gods out there.” It’s EASIER, but I want to question things. Maybe some things exist, and others don’t; I’ve probably got it all wrong.

Thank you so much for reading. God, this post was originally just supposed to be a short one, but it’s made me think about MYSELF.

And Raven, I hope you like this. Now I can FINALLY refer to you here because I was so stuck for a name!

From Elm ๐Ÿ™‚

PS: My first writing piece should be up either today or tomorrow on my writing blog. As to what it is, I don’t know yet.

We’re scaredย 

Hey everyone, this is Raven (not my real name, just trying to fit the nature themes on this blog!) I’m Elm’s friend and I’m typing for her on her phone, but she’s right next to me. 

Basically, we have some fair banter as friends, and somehow we ended up discussing a documentary Elm had seen, which was about a boy who claimed to have memories of a past life. In this film the boy and his family go to the place he claims to have come from and find out all his stories are completely legitimate. Now Elm and I are basically a bit confused, is there a scientific explanation for this. (We are slightly creeped out) 

WHY Do you Kill?

This is an INCREDIBLY controversial topic and may be upsetting to people. Apologies if this affects you badly. It doesn’t matter to me how much attention this post gets; I’m getting my thoughts out.

First of all, congrats to America on legalising gay marriage across all states! ๐Ÿ™‚ And to those who say it is a breach of democracy, I say this: that is hypocritical, as before, America (and many, many others) allowed gay people to be abused. That is all.

Just wondering: do you want me to make a post on that later? I have several things lined up I want to talk about ๐Ÿ˜€ Would you be interested in reading my thoughts on it?

The topic I want to talk about now is the recent shootings in Tunisia.

It makes me sick.

If you’re GOING to kill, kill the people who deserve it. Not the people who have done NOTHING to you.

Those people? They’ve got a family. They’ve got lives. BOOM, gone. For WHAT?

Please correct me if I’m wrong because I’m not good on scripture, as I’m not religious and believe in no God. In the Qur’an, it says something along the lines of this: “Do not take a life that Allah has made sacred, except for a just cause.”

Is THIS just? Those that say they are Muslim, who have orchestrated these attacks – what is just about killing those who have done NOTHING to you except exist, exist and be THERE?

I think in the Qur’an it also says that you may only be permitted to kill if you are being persecuted for your religion and run from your homes. Are you? Are these people doing that?

I could get death threats, now. I don’t care. I want to say what I WANT to say, because I live in the UK and we have free speech, and I’m saying that THIS IS WRONG!

People persecute many Muslims now, and THAT’s wrong. It’s only a SMALL percentage that are doing this. And to THAT small percentage I say:

If Allah is out there, what would he think of you? WHY do you do this? Educate me, go on! Tell me why you opened fire on a beach of tourists.

This makes me ill. This can happen to ANYONE.

Rant over. I’m sorry. I’m just angry and upset.

What are your thoughts? Any criticism or challenging of my beliefs welcome ๐Ÿ™‚ As long as there is no religious hatred. (Although then agaiIn, aren’t I doing that by being hateful towards these people?)

Let’s Jump on the Bandwagon – 10 Random Facts About Me!

I feel like such a stereotype; it’s not even funny. SAVE ME!

I’ve seen a LOT of people doing this – most recently Unfashionable Cupcake and girlwithgreeneye – go and take a look at their blogs because they are fantastic specimens of human.

Okay – 10 random facts about that thing called Elm:

1. I live SOMEWHERE near London, I think, but I honestly don’t know which part… HA, that’s awkward. This is why I didn’t take Geography, kids.

2. I don’t know what colour my eyes are – I used to think they were brown, but then someone told me they were more green and now I’m told they’re brown with FLECKS of green. Eyyy I’m scared now.

3. I was bored and so I created the compound insult ‘basthole’ – bastard arsehole. I call people it because technically, it hasn’t got any full swearwords in it. HA!

4. I am addicted to fanfiction – ’tis not good. The only ones I read are Harry Potter ones and… I have some pretty messed-up pairings there.

5. I don’t really want kids when I get older. Yes, I know – a big thing to say now – but some people DO want kids and some don’t and I hate when people ask me “how do you know you don’t want them?” It’s double standards. I’ll make a post on that later, I think.

6. But if I DID have kids, I’d probably name them Rowan or Archie if they were a boy, and Rose or Gemma if they were a girl. My poor, poor non-existent kids…

7. I’m an Atheist, but I won’t insult anyone’s religion because I respect all religions. Unless, of course, they insult my beliefs first – if they do that, they should EXPECT me to retaliate.

8. If there was a higher power, I would rather it be multiple gods such as the Greeks, Egyptians and Romans had. I’ll make a post on THAT at some point, too.

9. The first blog I ever had was started in June last year – BLOODY HELL! That long?! Well that one went down the drain after I started my second and my second… UGH.

10. I used to be a regular on RPG websites where I created characters and stories and it was the best thing ever; I miss it so much. Those names I made though – let’s just write these post ideas down, shall we?

GAH, those facts were so boring.