Hiding from The Beast from the East

This morning, I stepped out of the taxi (I live 40 minutes away from school so that’s why I get it), gasped in confusion at the fact that there was frosty ice-snow on the ground, took a step and nearly shrieked because snow crunched under my feet. Actual snow. In England. In March.

Now, before you start shrieking, “WHAT, it’s been on the news for days, everyone’s wailing about it, are you blind or something?” I’d reply with the fact that I was ill yesterday, very inattentive on Tuesday and ill again on Monday. Yes, I’m blind, and I also was fully aware of the hysteria surrounding this storm. I, erm, didn’t parttake in that hysteria. No way.

I’m not talking about the places where there are red alert weather warnings, such as Scotland, Wales and some of the south of England. They’re justified in panicking – look at my awesome friend‘s post. I’m talking about the fact that after one flake of snow, people start screaming in fear. Not me, of course not, HAHAHAHA where would you get that impression from??

Yesterday, I approached the storm’s existence in a normal fashion. I had some of the best Twitter conversations with my new friends Mason and ABG. Can I just say, you make friends in the strangest of places. Jokes such as #Snunderstorms, magic carpets and Mason screaming about Aladin made me laugh so hard I cackled. It gave me a sense of security – I could handle the snow that wasn’t even bad in the morning.

Picture this. Snow is on either side of me as I walk down the path, the grass covered in a blanket of white. I turn left – all is fine. I walk on, the cold biting into my un-scarved neck because I’m stupid and didn’t bring one and I think my neck is frozen. Everything is good as I turn right again, my face peeking out from behind the building. I start making my way towards the sixth form block and oh shit no, it’s slippy. “I am dignified,” I think, “I will not fall over, I will not scream and I certainly will not start panicking!”

“there are some steps there,” says an unidentifiable staff member. I squeak mumble an acknowledgement and wander on. I’m just veering down the little slope – which was difficult to do with a cane and freezing senses – when someone approaches me.

“Hi Elm! How are you?” says one of the leading staff members in the sixth form.

“Oh hi yeah I’m doing really great actually! I just have to go really reeaally slowly so I don’t slip, it’s quite difficult hahaha!” True to form, I laugh painfully awkwardly and walk into the sixth form building, making some inane remark about how fucking freezing it is to another teacher.

You see, it’s not that I hate snow, or that I particularly like it. I find it difficult to walk in it on account of using a cane and it throws off my balance. The snow wasn’t deep enough for me to stand in it and to hear that awesome snow-sound. I don’t want to get ill again and I kept on yelling about this throughout the day, most likely pissing everyone off because I was making a fuss over nothing.

In lessons and at break, people kept on staring out of the window and discussing the possibility of it being a snow day tomorrow. We were all hoping for it – 30 teachers didn’t make it into school today and I think everyone was getting frustrated. Personally, I was hoping for it but also, I’ve only attended 2 days of school this week: today and Tuesday.

For once, our wishes were granted – an “executive decision” was made for there to be a snow day tomorrow. I’m still inwardly cheering but also panicking. Tonight, I’lll do some work, chat with friends and just relax (I’ve been doing it for the last 18 years so…).

If we can, I’m seeing my sister in Norwich tomorrow where she goes to university. Because the roads are quite dangerous at the minute, we’re not sure whether we can go; I’d love to see her and she and I will be so sad if we can’t. Saying that, I really don’t want to be put in danger from the snow or put anything else in danger either.

All in all, I think I’m going to hybernate. I’m sitting here now with a hot chocolate, my hands still really dry from when I was in Wales, filming, at the weekend. (More on that in a future blog post, I promise!) For now, I’m pretending that it’s not cold outside and that I’m perfectly composed.

I hope you enjoyed my somewhat nonsensical ramblings. I thought I’d make an easier post, where I don’t stress and just write. Let me know what you think!

Have you got snow where you are? If you’re not in England, how often do you get snow?

From Elm 🙂

Hanging in a Void

I thought I’d post at a VERY rare time for me, in which my thoughts grow strange – because it’s late.

Well, it’s 11 o’clock at night, but that’s the time when my thoughts start to grow heavier and I hang in between being content and sad. Does that make sense?

A year ago, to this day, I would be messaging Ash. I KNOW that, and I also know that the fact that I know that means that it reflects on my thoughts now. I still, subconsciously, associate this time with how I felt for Ash – the snatched thoughts in the dark that make ME who I am. REALLY, I’m not making sense, but I rarely do at this time.

So, imagine you’re hanging in the void, but you know you won’t fall. There’s nothing but empty space around you, and you’re in the eye of the storm: one movement could make you go either way, towards being safe and happy or ripped apart and sad. But for now, you’re feeling okay – not happy, not sad, but OKAY – and you’re fine to remain like that until the storm subsides. The next day, you’ll forget the feeling of hanging in the storm until it happens again.

Hmm… I’m getting thoughtful. It’s weird to see how my thought processes pan out. I have too much to do for tomorrow which I haven’t done, but I’m in the state where I honestly don’t care.

When it’s dark and late and your eyes feel weary, it all starts to feel more real. You process things, but not as well; it helps, I think.

Do you feel like this sometimes, too? Like you’re hanging in a void and you COULD fall, but you doubt you will? When you’re by yourself, tapping out words on a screen, does your heart feel something and do you feel alright – is it just me?

Sorry for these rambles. Usually, I’m either messaging friends or trying to get to sleep on most days, but I thought you should get to know me a little better through this.

From Elm 🙂