Why Telling the Truth is Good

When you’re in a difficult situation, where your brain convinces you to lie to someone because you think it’ll hurt less (it doesn’t) and because you’re scared of them thinking worse of you, telling the truth after that can be extremely tricky. It can hurt both yourself and others but there are a lot of positives to doing it and getting over your fear. On Wednesday, I told two of my best friends the entire truth about a situation that I had experienced three months ago or so and though I sobbed like a child in the nearly deserted common room, it was worth it and it needed to be done.

Upon explaining everything, both to them and another friend before, I came to rather, lise that I’ve been lying to the point where it’s damaged relationships. Telling the truth may be hard but it’s necessary for you to feel happy. If you’re struggling over telling someone something, I want to explain some of the positives to you.

It strengthens relationships
Admitting you lied to someone is really nervewracking and they may be annoyed at you for it. I’ve certainly experienced that but what I found, above all on Wednesday, was that people much prefer it when you tell them the truth. If you’re honest and tell them how much you fucked up, it shows them that you trust them. Trust may be broken at first because they may believe that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them the truth in the first place but when you admit that to them, it can add a level of understanding to your friendships. I won’t lie: it could go the other way but the gamble of honesty is worth it.

Things aren’t so complex
Not only does lying upset other people but it can leave your head in a mess as you try and remember who knows what; it’s a horrible state to be in because you can end up manipulating people. It is only natural, therefore, that you should remove those feelings as soon as possible. One of the easiest ways to do that is to tell as many people the truth as you can who you’ve lied to; it clears it up, lets people in on how you’re feeling and makes your head less cluttered. People have asked me why I’ve been feeling so awful but I haven’t been able to explain it properly until I told Wren and Red everything that went on. The simple act of explaining it caused my mind to relax a little from the painful twisting state it had been in; the first person I truly told[q~@]- who I’d lied to – started that relieving; my other friends carried it on.

You feel happier and less awful
Guilt is a central part to lying and it’s one of the worst consequences of doing something horrible. By owning up to it and telling someone, it doesn’t weigh as heavy: it’s still there, especially because of the disappointment that is (rightfully) displayed at how you lied, but at least some of it goes away. You also feel happier because for me, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to hide or pretend and if I hadn’t told the truth, I would have fallen apart. I was already doing that and it took me explaining shit for me to understand just how bad it was.

You can show people you’re able to move forward
If you’ve got your own thoughts for company, wherein only you know how you’ve been feeling or what you’ve been doing, it means you can’t move on. If you’re good at sorting out your own feelings then it’s okay but if you’re like me, the thoughts spin round and round in your head with no resolution. It hurts and does me no good. On the contrary, sharing things with other people helped me to face up to it and understand what I’d done; it really allows you to move on from the situation by forcing the results of it to become apparent to you.

You can understand who your true friends are
Lying is only an okay thing when it will have no consequences for anyone. When it does and you then tell someone the truth, it’s natural and understandable that they’ll be upset with you. In fact, I’d want people to be angry with me for misjudging their personality enough to lie to them. It absolutely wasn’t fair of me to do that. However, when I told Wren and Red, they explained that they still loved me, always have and always would and that this wouldn’t change that. I figured out that the people who are my real friends, who – whether sensible or not – would stick by me are the ones that can see the reasons why I lied and let me make up for it, as well as move forward. Some things are unforgivable and I don’t blame people for being upset with me because I would be but I know that if such trust is lost by lying, perhaps it would be best that the person distanced themselves from me.

You aren’t superhuman. You’re going to make mistakes, lie and upset people. It’s alright to do that. However, as terrifying as it is, telling the truth can make things a lot easier. Not in all cases but in a lot of them, honesty can be the best solution.

If you’re hurting right now and don’t understand why someone did what they did, think about it from their perspective. That can apply to those who lied and those who are angry because you lied. There are always more than two sides to a story.

From Elm 🙂

The Problem with Showing People your Blog

As of yesterday, Ivy – one of my best friends – is the only person, besides myself, who knows pretty much everything that has happened over the last year. I spent the afternoon with her in the park, talking, laughing and us both getting embarrassed and morbidly fascinated about the situations that have both happened to us. Having not seen her for about 6 months, we caught up on everything and I told all of the things I had told other people but unlike other people, she was told all of it without me dancing around the subjects.

There are many upsides to showing people in real life your blog, especially when – like me – you talk about your personal feelings and life. One of them is that people get to know you better and understand you; another is that you can show them a big part of your life and another is to show that you trust them with how you feel. However, even if the positives far outweigh the negatives, there is something unavoidable that can happen. You can’t always tell the truth.

Some things I’ve desperately wanted to talk about and others would have been nice to just post a little about. It’s not that I don’t trust my friends: I do more than anything in the world, but there are some subjects I just can’t talk about with some friends and others I can’t talk about with other groups, mainly because I don’t feel comfortable discussing certain things and also because if I did, I’d get other people involved which could escalate the situation. The issue here is that people from different parts of my life read my blog – the VI community, very close friends at school, people I’ve been in relationships with – and I respect them all but not all of them know enough for me to post about it. If I did post about what I really want to post about, it would maybe upset people who still mean a lot to me and I don’t want that. I’m half protecting my own selfish skin and half stopping others from getting needlessly angry at each other… Bloody hell, this is complicated and I can’t even say it plainly!

For me, my blog is a place to let out my emotions. Not being able to let them out has probably caused me to shut down a little, meaning I don’t tell people what I’d want to say on my blog – now I think about it, that’s stupid, because surely if I couldn’t post it then telling people would be a good way to get advice? My mind is completely illogical sometimes. I think that because I don’t have this outlet as much as I’d want to, I subconsciously just refused to open up to the people who I know would listen, e.g my friends and all of you.

It’s not that I’m scared of what my readers would say. It’s because I’m scared of the judgement I’d get from people who I know shouldn’t judge me but would; I’m absolutely terrified of fucking up again and so I just don’t tell people what, maybe, it would be sensible to say. That makes me sad but it’s what comes with showing something I’m really proud of to my group of friends who couldn’t be more supportive but would they be supportive if I told them everything? I hope so but I don’t know if I can take that risk.

Even now, I feel awful for writing this. My legendary “paranoia” is telling me that when people I know read this, they’ll think I hate them and then will start hating me. I never said it was logical but now I’m worried that I’m going to upset someone.

Often, I tell those who’s blogs I read to post what they want to post because it’s their blog and that still rings true. I wish I could take my own advice because sometimes I feel trapped, not because I’ve done anything necessarily bad but because I know, if I had posted honestly about what happened from the beginning, from last May to now, things might have been easier and I might have made a lot of different decisions based on your amazing advice. Who knows, though? The decisions I made felt (mostly) right at the time.

The only times I post about things that may be considered “sensitive” are when I get permission from someone who might read it because that’s just polite and also when all the people reading it in real life know about it because if it was a big thing, which it often would be, I would have told them straight away. An example of that is what happened in October but even then I felt guilty. All of my friends knew but the post itself was so hard to write because I had to get the balance of revealing information and not accidentally making people irritated right, which I wish I didn’t have to do.

I think, after this, I need to start being a little bit more honest. Perhaps I should start explaining to my friends what’s been happening but that would involve me straight-up telling them I lied to them, something I’m uncomfortable with doing. On the other hand, I caused this and so it’s only right I make it better by actually telling the truth and not worrying about judgement.

Remember that your blog is your own and you should only tell people – if your blog’s a place for you to get your thoughts out – if you feel comfortable with them knowing everything. I don’t want you guys to be in a situation where you end up twisting the truth because you feel like you have no other option. I won’t defend myself because it was a shitty thing for me to do, along with a bunch of other things but now it’s all done, there’s no changing it or going back so I have to deal with those consequences.

I don’t regret telling people about my blog or showing it to them. What does make me sad is how that all turned into me avoiding telling people the truth, which meant I physically couldn’t post about it. However, like I say to people all the time, this is my outlet and I shouldn’t be controlled by what others think.

Have you told a lot of people about your blog and what kind of positives, or problems, has that brought you?

From Elm 🙂